Pseudotherapy

Bret and I have been together six years in December, and we’ve never had a Christmas tree. Or a Yule tree, or whatever. The closest we’ve come was a metal cardholder tree, which was lovely but NOT a true Christmas tree. There’s always been a reason, but no excuses this year! We ARE going to put up a tree, by Jove.

Which presents a HUGE problem, because we have three cats. In all honesty, only one of them will be a problem because Lynksis can’t even hoist her fat kitty ass to the top of the cat tree (we do have her on a diet), and Mouse will probably be terrified to go near a Giant Green Thing standing in the corner. But Data … Data is a concern. My fear is that the very first day the tree is up, we’ll come home to find the living room strewn with shattered ornaments, shredded ribbons and piles of pine-needle-studded cat poop, Data yodeling triumphantly from atop the trashed tree. Or worse.

So I ask you, my fellow cat owners present or past, how do you keep Christmas in a feline-friendly household? What techniques do you employ to keep Kitty Claws from turning your holiday decor into his own personal Disneyland? And what’s the worst holiday cat-astrophe you’ve survived?

And on the subject of Yuletide, my family battles every year over the gift exchange quandary. Some want to draw names, some want to skip the presents altogether. The ones who ignore the agreed-upon spending limits upset the ones who respect them. The “gift grab” game offends some of us, as it seems contrary to the spirit of the season. Every year, the same squabbles. A few years ago, we tried doing the homemade gifts thing, but for several of us it turned out to be far more costly in both time and dollars than purchasing gifts would have! And when you’re a working person on a budget, those factors are more important than you’d like them to be.

This year, my imaginative niece Brenda came up with the idea of giving each other memories. Each of us will share with each family member our personal favorite memory involving that person. How we choose to gift the memories is up to us. One relative is writing the memories in story form inside handmade cards. Another is choosing from among her possessions small gifts related to each memory to give the individual. Being the shutterbug I am, I’m giving each person my favorite photo of them, captioned with why I love it, incorporated into a graphic design I’m creating specifically for each person. I can’t even tell you how much I’m looking forward to all of us sharing our memories on Christmas Day!

I’m thinking this may be my most favorite Yuletide ever.

As promised, here are my then-and-now photos. The photo on the left was taken in February 2008, the one on the right just today. And YES, I can finally see the difference! Obviously, I still have a long way to go, but it’s great to feel so much healthier and happier already. I climbed all the stairs by the Oceanside Pier today without even getting short of breath — while having a conversation! Click on the photo to see it larger on Flickr, along with a few of my favorites from today.

When I first downloaded the photos from the Nikon, I started crying. I honestly could not see any difference in myself at all. It took an hour of looking at photo after photo with Bret pointing out the differences before my mind began to accept it. When it began to sink in, I was shocked. I don’t look repulsive! I’m not even embarrassed to show people these photos! Usually I’d rather get a root canal than share pictures of myself. Because, you know, people don’t look at me when they’re standing right in front of me or anything. Ahem.

Bret tends to go a bit apeshit with the shutter release when he’s got the Nikon, and he actually took 375 pictures during our two hours at the beach today (seriously), but only about 100 of them are of me. Still, that’s a lot of images to sort through, even considering the many, many near-duplicates taken milliseconds apart. I’m not happy with the technical quality of today’s pics — most of them are hazy and my face is too shadowed. I did some adjusting, but couldn’t get much improvement. But they served their purpose, and that’s what counts.

Incidentally, these photos today and the few I uploaded a week ago are the first ones I’ve put on Flickr without digitally “touching myself up.” They are the true, unedited me, and that alone is a huge, huge step in my journey toward self-acceptance. I am proud of myself for taking it.

adore getting dressed up and wearing makeup and high heels.

wouldn’t care if I never ate ice cream ever again, unless there’s PIE under it.

designed my wedding dresses both times, and made the first one myself.

baked (from scratch), assembled and decorated my 4-tier wedding cake for marriage #2.

spend way too much money on jewelry.

have not rented a movie DVD in five years.

do not consider the Bible the word of God any more than the Qur’an or the Book of Mormon is. Nor do I believe Jesus Christ was any holier than Moses, Buddha or Muhammad.

would rather watch Mythbusters than Project Runway.

fell in love with my husband over the phone (and his voice still tingles my vajingle).

never stay angry at anyone for very long. I have a very forgiving nature.

am a firm believer in the mysterious power of feng shui.

fantasize about becoming The Next Food Network Star.

yearn for a giant Lava Lamp like Oscar’s in Shark Tale.

think most of you are better writers than I am.

think I’m a better photographer than most of you.

And I might not know that you … ?

(Picked up from Finn, Britt, Hilly )

I know I’ve said I’m not going to turn this into a weight-loss blog (mostly because that’s the surest way to sabotage myself, LOL), but dang, it’s hard not to talk about what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m living a miracle. Like my fairy godmother granted my wish. Like I may actually succeed at something. Because I’m still going! Still losing! And yet, all is not quite as wonderful as you’d think.

As long as I can remember, I’ve had this fantasy of waking up one day to discover that I’ve magically slimmed down overnight. Go to sleep a size 20, wake up a size 5. Riiight. In reality, can you imagine how terrifying that would be? Like Tom Hanks in Big, would you even recognize yourself in the mirror? Think about that for a minute. If the image reflected back at you was not the one you expected, how would that feel?

I’m experiencing that to a moderate degree. As of this morning, I’ve lost 46 pounds since August 19th. That’s less than three months. And even though I still have a lot more to lose, the change in my appearance is pretty remarkable. Sometimes when I see my reflection unexpectedly, it startles me because I’m used to little piggy eyes peering out of a bloated face. Lately, I’m instead seeing a face that disappeared about 20 years ago. That’s not as ridiculous as it sounds, because apparently soy is very, very good for your skin and there’s a LOT of soy in the Medifast meals. And I have a jawline again! I mean, a visible one that’s not buried under blubbery jowls. I can actually feel my jawbone.

But you know what’s weird? Most of the time I cannot see the difference in my body. There must be a difference, since I’ve gone from a size 24 down to a size 14. But when I see myself in a full-length mirror, I think I look just the same. It really sucks. Everyone can see it but me. I can feel the difference when I run my hands over my legs or butt — I can feel the bones and the muscles I’m building, now that my “fat suit” is dissolving. I don’t know why I can’t see it for myself.

That’s why you haven’t seen full-body pictures yet. I’m scared. If I let someone take some and they’re disappointing, I don’t know what that might do to my momentum. This program is tough, and the rapid results are what keeps me going. If I look at recent photos and don’t see the change, I’m afraid I’ll lose motivation. At least if it’s a reflection in a mirror, I can say my mind is playing tricks on me. Actually, I did take some shots of my reflection in a mirror two weeks ago, but the quality sucked. Even I could barely tell it was me!

But I have an idea brewing. There’s a picture of me at my favorite beach that Bret surreptitiously took last February. I was at my all-time highest weight, 52½ pounds heavier than I am now. I HATE that photo, but it has been a motivation tool for me in the past few months. I want to go to that exact spot, similarly dressed, and have Bret take a new picture of me. Then I want to compare them, side by side, and see if that helps me see the change in me. I think we’ll do that this weekend. And if it works, I’ll publish both pictures on Monday. If not, well, I may publish them anyway.

Oh hey, I remember this place! I used to have some good times here. Bad times too, but such is life.  This place used to be one of my favorite hang-outs. Yeah, I remember a big days-long party here back in, hmm, I think it was July. Fun times.

Wasn’t the owner talking about re-decorating? What ever happened with that? The designer disappeared without a word?!?! Bummer! Well, the owner needs to shop around for a new one, then. Maybe one who’s an actual pro rather than a newbie. There’s gotta be more than one artist whose style she’d like.

You know, I’ve heard rumors that this place was gonna be shut down. I heard the owner got on some big weight loss kick and totally lost interest in everything else. Oh hell yeah, gotta be majorly life-changing, especially happening that fast! Still though, you know, a person needs to be multi-dimensional. Like that old saying about eggs in a basket, it’s healthier to have several interests in your life. Like friends, you know? The more the better.

So, I see The Pseudotherapist around now and then, maybe I’ll ask her what the deal is. I mean, I know she’s doing that NaNoBloMe thing again, but come on, let’s get our priorities straight. It’s not like she ever actually finishes those stupid novels, anyway. Seriously, the woman has the attention span of a gnat! Have you ever talked to her? Dude, it’s like trying to figure out which one of her personalities is in control at the moment.

Well, I hope she gets her shit together because I’m pretty fond of this old place. Sure, it needs some sprucing up and maybe some re-wiring, but I still love the vibe here, don’t you?

Hello?