Pseudotherapy

Do you believe in ghosts? If you don’t, what do you think of people who swear they’ve seen one?

My office is separated from the rest of our office building by a large, secure file room. You can’t get to my office without threading your way through the file room, unless you go outside the building and come around back to my exterior door. You can’t get into the file room unless you are a keyholder, and besides myself there are only four other keyholders. The file room door is kept locked ? even when you unlock it, it reverts back to locked status as soon as the key is removed ? and the lock is a noisy one. Plus, the file room lights are?always off unless?myself or someone else is in there looking for a file, and as soon as that door is opened, light from the hallway pours into the room. My desk faces a window into the file room. It’s impossible for anyone to enter that room without me noticing, unless I am not in my office. Even if I’m not paying attention, the change in lighting alerts me. This is all intentional, by the way.

A couple of weeks ago, I began to see a shape in the file room when no one is in there. Not all the time, just now and then. I would catch movement out of the corner of my eye, glance up and briefly see a dark shape hovering at the end of a row about six feet away from my window. As soon as I looked directly at it, it would slide quickly out of sight behind that row of file shelves. I’d jump up and run in there to see if there was a unauthorized intruder, but the file room was always empty. I admit to being a bit freaked out at first.

After a few days, I noticed it seemed attacted to the lavender pseudocandle I recently placed on the study table in the file room. It’s one of those scented wax pillars with a flickering light bulb in the middle of it. I put it there for two purposes: to eliminate the musty smell exuded by 5,000 folders full of old papers, and because, framed as it is by my bamboo plant, it creates a visual zen moment for me whenever I look toward my window (the study table is right on the other side of my window). The light it gives off is negligible ? even with all the lights off, it doesn’t cast shadows. The mysterious shape has only manifested since I purchased the pseudocandle, and always appears in the same vicinity, even when the fake candle light is turned off. Perhaps it’s drawn to the scent.

Last Friday, I decided to say something. I went into the dark file room and said, “Hello, Hidden One. You are welcome here. Thank you for allowing us to use this space for our precious files. I hope you’re enjoying the candle.” The next time I noticed the shape hovering and looked directly at it, it stayed in place long enough for me to get a clear look at it. Dark grey and somewhat transparent, it’s roughly shaped like a small oval sitting atop a large oval ? which explains why the first several times I saw it, I thought someone was standing there. No features at all, just a gray shadow.

By now, we’ve become accustomed to each other. I speak to the entity (which I believe it to be) when I pass through the file room. It has ceased sliding away as soon as I look directly at it, and often stays visible for several minutes (it is right now). I’ve asked it to turn off the pseudocandle (as evidence of its existence) and to somehow convey its name to me, but neither has occurred. However, it did rattle my door Friday. The last thing I do before leaving every day is to close and lock the door between the file room and my office, then exit my office through the back door into the rear parking lot. Friday evening, I shut the locked door as usual, then gathered my belongings to leave. There was a thump on the door and the door handle rattled. I assumed one of the other keyholders was trying to intercept me before?I left, so I unlocked the door and opened it. There was no one there. I walked through the file room to the door into the hallway. No one. I said goodnight, and left. Was the shadow simply saying goodnight, or perhaps protesting?my turning off the lavender pseudocandle?

To me, the most mysterious thing about this manifestation is, who or what is was it? This is not an old building. No one has died here. The file room was the president’s office for the business which previously occupied?this building?(my office was his library, and that’s why I have my own restroom and exterior door). He’s not dead, just retired with his millions. The only explanation I can come up with is the entity is somehow tied to the location, not the building. Perhaps it lived in a building that once stood here, or maybe its connection is to the land itself. Hauntings by the spirits of long-dead Native Americans are not uncommon in this area. I once worked with a woman who had to have the angry spirit of a prehistoric native exorcised from her new townhouse because?he was pulling her daughter’s hair. I’m thankful my?shadowy companion?is congenial.

Tonight, I’m leaving a pencil and paper on the study desk.

Oh man, what a week! My job has totally whupped my ass this week, but in an ohsogood kind of way. See, I got fully fed up with falling further and further behind in my workflow, so last weekend I brainstormed ways to remedy the situation. And they worked! Re-structuring priorities, delegating, farming some stuff out and just plain hunkering down paid off in a clear desk and empty inbox by 4:00 Friday. AND I made both my Friday deadlines! I walked out the back door of Incognotorious Inc. yesterday floating on an absolute high. What a sweet drug accomplishment is.

The downside is that I’ve been exhausted and basically brain-dead every evening, too wiped even to blog. All I’ve managed is Twittering and Flickring. But yay! It’s Saturday! Time to clear a few thoughts from my cluttered mind:

Do you know what the #1 drawback is to having a job you truly love? The fear of losing it. Even though I know I’m doing a good job, I keep getting paranoid that I’ll be canned. Like the other day, one of the portfolio analysts called me and ran a 20 Questions on my duties and how I handle them. I could tell I was on speakerphone, and envisioned this group of people sitting around grading my answers. Then yesterday, I got a letter in the mail from our benefits rep, explaining COBRA and how to use it. I freaked out a little bit. But on the other hand, I also had an email from HR congratulating me on completing my 90-day probation. So there ya go.

* * *

Speaking of benefits, the HR email also informed me that I can now begin using my personal days. I have 27 for the year. TWENTY-SEVEN. Not counting the ten paid holidays we get. Also not counting the fact that all Incognotorious Inc. offices close at 3:00 the day before any paid holiday. Also not counting our birthdays, on which we’re “expected” to work only a half-day. Seriously, this company is all about the time off! I just don’t get how I’m expected to keep up with my workload while incorporating 39 days off into a single year.

* * *

Last night we stopped by PetSmart to restock the prescription diet our cats have been on since the scare with Lynksis. The clerk, who definitely seemed to be on something other than the clock, charged us for the big bag of kibble and one can of wet food. We had a case of 24. Bret thought the total seemed way off, but wasn’t sure until he looked at the receipt, at which point he turned back around and pointed it out to the clerk. The woman next in line, listening, interrupted to gasp incredulously, “Forty-four bucks for a bag of kibble and one can of food?!?!” It took all my self-control to not spout off what our vet told us about feeding cats a steady diet of Fancy Feast (of which she was buying two cases) ? it’s the feline version of McDonald’s. But I kept my mouth shut. Our investment in the kitties’ health has paid off bigtime, however, and we have no regrets about the high caliber of feed they’re on. All three have never looked so healthy and beautiful ? and we credit it with saving Lynksis’ life. It’s worth every cent.

* * *

I am very behind on my blog-reading, which is pretty sad considering how few I follow (compared to the rest of you, anyway!). Please, no one take it personally. It’s an energy issue. Oh, and Flickr. Flickr, which has me addicted to guessing titles of movies and songs. Well, everyone has to have some kind of vice.

Today at work I pitched a fit. Bigtime. Fortunately, I was behind closed doors when I threw a hissy, but the startled looks when I came out were a sure sign that at least some of my tirade was overheard. I think it’s safe to say my co-workers are now viewing me in a rather different light.

I’m not a yeller. I dislike confrontations, and am a pacifist by nature. I had enough of screaming fights in Marriage v.1.o1. In fact, this was the first time my co-workers had seen me angry to any degree. And let me tell you, I was pissed. I hollered up one side of that office and down the other. And my boss was hollering right along with me. It must’ve sounded like we were having one hell of a fight, but we were actually in total agreement.

It had to do with Very Important Documents that were supposed to be overnighted to me in time for clients coming in at 10:00. Very Important Clients who had driven a very long way to approve said documents, and were only in town this one day. The delivery arrived, but some of the documents were not included in the shipment. I discovered this at T minus 15 and counting. A frantic flurry of phone calls and emails ensued, with the Other Office insisting they had sent everything, and me arguing that they most certainly had not. I cannot tell you how many times I heard or read the phrase, “We sent you everything we had.” On and on, back and forth. Meanwhile, the Very Important Clients were growing impatient and our firm was looking like the Three Stooges Run A Company. Eventually reaching their Maximum Exasperation Capacity, the clients left for an early, extended lunch.

That’s when I hit my boss’s office and started the verbal bitch-slapping of the Other Office. I mean, seriously? How can you go to the trouble of preparing an overnight package without verifying the contents?!?! Especially when a multimillion-dollar deal is hanging in the balance!? As soon as she realized what had happened, my boss surpassed me on the Richter scale. Oh yeah, the volume in that office shot way past 11. She was furious. I have to say, though, I was highly impressed with how quickly she turned off the anger when a call came though from the New York office. I excused myself and went for a short walk outside.

Ten minutes in the breezy sunshine brought my blood pressure back down. I returned to my office to find a voicemail from the Other Office: SURPRISE! They’d found the missing section of documents still at their office. They would scan them and email them to me ASAP. That news, while not surprising, just made me aggravated all over again. Had they even looked for the documents at all before insisting they’d been sent? If they’d bothered to locate them the first time I called, I would’ve had them in hand before the clients even arrived. Aaaggghhh!!! The frustration!

The papers arrived, got printed and approved. The Very Important Clients departed, smiling and stuffed with chocolates and Italian coffee. I locked the documents in the File Room and celebrated with a big glass of cold organic apple juice. But that, my friends, is another story.

[tags]Workplace, anger, frustration, rants[/tags]

Last night I was asleep by 9:00. Tonight, it’s after 11 and I’m not sleepy. Why can I not be consistent in my sleep routine? Wait, what routine? There’s no such thing!

Some nights I fall asleep on the couch at 6:30, wake up for dinner, then go straight to bed. Some nights I have to make myself hit the mattress at midnight. Sunday night I was up until after 1:00 a.m., then had to get up at 5. Yeah, Monday was real fun at work. Thank God my office isn’t very visible, because I dozed off more than once.

Do you ever do that? I mean, do you ever actually fall asleep at your desk? It’s happened to me several times, and every time I’ve jerked awake terrified that I might have snored! Yes, I snore. I’m not a raucous snorer, but I do a bit of snuffling now and then. It’s not your typical officeplace noise, and I’d be sooo humiliated if someone happened to come into my office mid-flurfle. How could you explain that away, blame it on a non-existent cold?

Usually I keep something cold, wet and crunchy on my desk to wake me up if I get drowsy. Eating an apple or celery is much more effective at chasing away the ZZZs than coffee. Coffee often seems to backfire for me, inducing sleepiness instead of battling it. I don’t know if that’s actually possible. Maybe it’s all in my head. Or maybe I’ve become immune to the caffeine. But I worry about this a lot, because I’m so often tired at work. Ideally, I’d like to be getting a good rest every night so this would not be an issue, but barring that miracle happening, I need a technique for quickly waking myself up when the urge to snooze gets too alarming. Before I either (a) fall out of my chair or (b) bang my head on my keyboard on my way to the Land of Nod.

What works for you?

[tags]Fatigue, sleep, coffee, I’m not an insomniac - I just can’t sleep[/tags]

Apparently I am a master criminal, as Background Checks Unltd. did not uncover any evidence of wrong-doing on my part. This means:

A. That Swiss bank account really did the trick.
B. I buried all the bodies deep enough.
C. I’ve been approved for employment by Incognotorious Inc.

The correct answer is C. It’s now officially official, folks! Monday will be my first day on their payroll, with benefits beginning November 1st.

Let the partying begin!!!

[tags]Hired, employment, me no temp no more[/tags]