Pseudotherapy

“Listen: Billy Pilgrim has become unstuck in time.”

It’s been more than 30 years since I first read those words, the opening line* of Kurt Vonnegut’s satirical classic, Slaughterhouse-Five. Even now, they raise chillbumps on my skin because that’s how much I loved the book. I’d never heard of Vonnegut until Slaughterhouse-Five was assigned reading in my Science Fiction Literature class at college, but it was definitely love at first read. I still have the tattered paperback that introduced me to his quirky brilliance. In the years following, I’ve spent many joyful hours in the thrall of his stories.

Kurt Vonnegut became unstuck in time last night, when he passed away at the age of 84. He leaves behind a plethora of pleasure for anyone who delights in words strung together imaginatively. I thank you, Mr. Vonnegut, for helping me learn how to write well and read voraciously. Today, my beat-up copies of Slaughterhouse-Five and Welcome To The Monkey House are wearing black bands of mourning.

*In double-checking my unreliable memory today, I have discovered that this is in fact NOT the opening line of the novel, but rather the opening line of Billy Pilgrim’s story (it’s preceded by an introductory chapter which I remembered as not being part of the actual novel). I’m heartbroken, because I’ve always listed this as one of the ten best opening lines of all time, and now I can’t anymore.

And just for the soon-to-be-renamed Cupcake (Cheesecake? Muffin? Bonbon?), here’s Kurt Vonnegut’s artwork for the Phish album Hook, Line and Sinker, part of The Greatest Album Covers That Never Were collection now housed at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

No downer stuff today!!! (Unless you’re Cameron Diaz)

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.
This would be a ridiculously long list, so I will just name the one movie I watched more than 10 times within a single week: Hero, with Jet Li and Ziyi Zhang. Easily the most stunning film I’ve ever seen.

2. Name a movie that you’ve seen multiple times in the theater.
Return To Snowy River, which I saw four times in two weeks. What can I say? It was a thing.

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.
Bruce Willis. There are very few movies of his I haven’t seen, and even fewer I haven’t liked. My current favorite: Sin City. Runner-up: Hostage.

4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie.
Cameron Diaz. I dislike her so much I make a point of not seeing her films.

5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from.
Well, let’s see, in the past 48 hours I’ve quoted from The Abyss, Mercury Rising, The American President, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and Shark Tale. PiMan and I are big movie-quoters — we once ran through an entire favorite scene from Hackers while crossing the Fry’s parking lot.

6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs.
West Side Story. I know every lyric and every note.

7. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Even when it’s not on!

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
Baby Boom. People have different tastes, but everyone I know who’s seen Baby Boom enjoyed it very much. Diane Keaton has some great lines in it.

9. Name a movie that you own.
We own all the usual boxed sets of franchises; doesn’t everyone? Some of the lesser-known gems we own include The First $20 Million, Dark City, Night Of The Creeps and The Legend Of 1900. And Kevin: I own Night Of The Comet (a friend from high school plays one of the evil nurses in it)!

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
Justin Timberlake. I’m not a fan of his music, but he was impressive in Alpha Dog.

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what?
Are you kidding me? Up until the age of 21, MOST of the movies I saw were at the drive-in!

12. Ever made out in a movie?
Why? What have you heard?

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven’t yet gotten around to it.
The Nightmare Before Christmas. Everyone I know tells me I’ll LOVE it. I just never seem to be in the right mood.

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
Only once: Volunteers, with Tom Hanks and John Candy. An abysmally bad film.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
Franco Zefferelli’s Romeo and Juliet. I was 16, and cried through the last third of the film and all the way home.

16. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?
Ghost Rider, which I absolutely adored.

17. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
Science fiction, definitely. I also love horror, but NOT the gratuitous-gore kind like Saw, Hostel and Turista. I prefer more subtle terror, like Silence Of The Lambs. And of course, my blind devotion to all things Zombie is well-documented.

18. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
First Man Into Space when I was five. Scared the crap out of me.

19. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
Deliverance.

20. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
Delicatessen. Never, ever expected to laugh till I cried. And I doubt a weirder movie has ever been made!

21. What is the scariest movie you’ve seen?
The original 1963 version of The Haunting. Don’t judge it by the lameass 1999 remake. This is terror as it was meant to be done.

22. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen?
Good Morning Vietnam. I had to see it three times to catch all the dialog because I missed so much while laughing hysterically. As in, laugh so hard you can’t breathe — that funny.

For more movie meme fun, check out Kapgar’s and Life After Work’s versions!

Anyone who missed out on the perfection that is Showtime’s Dexter, here’s your second chance!

Showtime will re-broadcast the entire first season of its killer hit show starting Sunday, April 1st (that’s tomorrow!!!) at 9 p.m. If you didn’t watch the first time around, I strongly urge you to program your DVR right now. This series is simply too good to be missed. And with Season 2 coming up this summer, you need to get on board NOW. Can a serial killer be adorable? Yes. Yes, he can.

In other breaking news, Feedburner is now smoking the feed for Pseudotherapy. If you have previously subscribed you’ll need to update because the old feed is no longer active. I tried to set up an automatic re-direct, but it didn’t work.