Pseudotherapy

Thank you for your business. I don’t share your obsession with the film, but am happy so many of you like my T-shirt design. Ironically, my own Twilight-fixated daughter (for whom I created this shirt) does not. Go figure.

Best regards,
SJ
Proprietress of Pseudocelebrity

1. Nobody told me that 12 Monkeys was a sci-fi film.
2. Nobody told me that 12 Monkeys has a post-apocalyptic setting.
3. Nobody told me that a key plot element in 12 Monkeys is the spread of a deadly virus.
4. Nobody told me that a key plot element in 12 Monkeys is time travel.
5. Nobody told me that 12 Monkeys was directed by the fiendishly brilliant Terry Gilliam.
6. Nobody told me that Brad Pitt, for the second time in his career, actually ACTS in 12 Monkeys.
7. Nobody told me that 12 Monkeys would play Twister with my brain to a degree equaled only by The Matrix.
8. Nobody told me that the basic plot of 12 Monkeys is Bruce Willis saves the world!!!
9. Nobody told me that Bruce Willis is NAKED in 12 Monkeys ? more than once!
10. Nobody told me that 12 Monkeys would instantly become one of my favorite Bruce movies.

Yeah, as a matter of fact I did just see 12 Monkeys for the very first time. Yeah, I’m pretty upset. For 13 years, I’ve been under the impression that 12 Monkeys was Brad Pitt portraying a patient in a psychiatric hospital. I knew Bruce Willis was in it, but for some reason had the idea that he was just a supporting character, a fellow patient. Yeah, dumb=me. People, he is The Star. The Man Who Saves The World. Why did no one explain this to me? My family and friends know that I would pretty much watch a colonic irrigation if it involved Bruce Willis. Multiple close-ups of his muscular buttocks would just be cream on the panties cupcake. And that list up there covers every damn one of my favorite movie elements. Well, except a xenomorph. Oh, and ZOMBIES.

Thirteen years I could have been enjoying this mind-blowing film. Damn. I suck.