Pseudotherapy

So, I wrote a post all about my plans and intentions for 2008. Trouble was, I wrote it while at the low point of my recent depression, and it was basically whiny self-pity bullshit. I feel better now. Trashed that mofo in favor of something more fun.

But first, one thing: Some of you may have seen my comment on Hilly’s Snackie Weekend “I Will/I Won’t” post. If you didn’t, here it is in a nutshell: This is *my* blog, and I’m going to start writing like I’m the only one I have to please. Because, uh, I am. No more desperately trying to please all people all the time. So if you read something here you don’t like, feel free to move along. Better yet, present your point of view in the comments in an intelligent and reasonable way.

And now without further drama, here’s *my* take on 2007 as experienced in my little corner of the universe!

Best book title: Out Of Sync by Lance Bass, former ‘N Sync member who announced his homosexuality in 2006.

Worst book deal: Lynn Spears is writing a guide to parenting. Sadly, I am not making this up. [But wait! There's hope yet.]

Book I wish I’d read this year: Wonderful Tonight by Pattie Boyd.

Best movie of 2007: Across The Universe. Coming out on DVD February 5, 2008!!!

Worst movie of 2007: Saw IV. I mean, why?

Movie I both loved and hated: (Tie) Transformers (loved most of it, hated how “messy” the Transformers looked, ick) and Rob Zombie’s Halloween (thought the first 2/3 was sheer brilliance, but after the adult Michael escaped from Smith’s Grove Sanitarium the film deteriorated into clich?-ridden shock schlock).

Funniest movie I expected to hate: Balls Of Fury (Bonus: A plethora of Def Leppard!!!).

Favorite TV show of the new season: Moonlight. Ron Koslow (Beauty and the Beast) works his creative magic again.

Best TV show you’re probably not watching: Dexter, on Showtime. The quality and originality continues to astound me.

Best reality show: So You Think You Can Dance? I planned my entire week around this show, and watched one episode NINE TIMES. Juli, thank you for browbeating into watching it, and I wish I’d given in sooner.

Worst reality show: Rock Of Love, which is not about either rock or love.

Reality show I’m going to watch just because it’s at the beach: Formerly-Court-TV-now-TruTV’s Ocean Force: Huntington Beach, debuting January 1st.

Best musical moment: Hearing Muse’s “Supermassive Black Hole” for the first time.

Worst musical moment: The release of Raising Sand, Robert Plant’s duet album with Allison Krauss [shudder]. But hey, if you’ve ever wondered what popping Quaaludes would be like, have a listen to this CD.

Celebrity I’m still obsessed with reading about: Lindsay Lohan. I can’t help it. Her transformation from Parent Trap twins to Miss Firecrotch fascinates me.

Celebrity I truly wish would enter a cloistered convent for the rest of her life: Britney Spears.

Best hairstyle trend: The “Criss Angel.” We don’t need no stinking comb!

Worst fashion trend: Ankle boots with short dresses. People! It was ugly in the ’80s, and it still is. And it’s not flattering to anyone.

Scariest situation: The hell next door. [Update: The day after I wrote that post, she moved out while he was at work. Two weeks later, he moved out. Our new neighbor is another Marine, but his only flatmates are two dogs. Thank God.]

Most popular blog post: Happy Hallowmeme: Behind The Mask, which generated 257 visits.

Bravest blog post I wrote: “It’s called ROUND,” in which I come out of the fashion closet.

Lamest blog post I wrote: “So long, and thanks for all of the dish” (not counting the ones I deleted within a few hours!).

Biggest distraction from blogging: Flickr, especially the guessing games and contests.

Worst news of the entire year: A woman I knew in high school died tragically in the San Diego County wildfires.

Best news of the entire year: Mike proposed to Suze.

[tags]2007, best of, year-end[/tags]

I can’t remember where I read it, but the other day some blogger posted her fantasy wish list. It wasn’t one of those “if cost was not a consideration” lists; more of a “if anything was possible” lists. Personal wishes though, not stuff like an end to hunger, or world peace. One of her wishes that made me laugh out loud was, “I wish I would always come before my husband does.” Talk about dreaming the impossible dream!

Her list got me to thinking, though. What would I put on my own fantasy wish list? I’m great with wish lists from my favorite stores, and for years I’ve had a list of what I’d do if I won the lottery. But what about wishes that have nothing to do with money? So here’s me, fantasizing:

• I wish I had all my hair back. Okay, not all ? you can keep the?muff like Birnam Wood and the gotta-shave-every-day legs I had as a teen. But I sure wish I had the thick headful of hair I had pre-pregnancy. It would be such a joy to not always be worrying about my scalp showing through my hair. Why couldn’t I have gotten my father’s still-lush-at-age-78 hair?
• I wish I enjoyed cleaning house like my daughter does. She finds it therapeutic. Even thinking about it makes me need therapy ? for depression.
• I wish I was having carpel-tunnel release surgery tomorrow.
• I wish we lived in a house. With two bathrooms, three bedrooms and a big sun porch. A nice, zero-maintenance yard. An honest-to-god wood-burning fireplace. Plenty of room for four more cats. Or maybe six.
• I wish a cure for arthritis would be discovered ? and it would be an enzyme created solely by combining strawberries and dark chocolate.
• I wish I could get addicted to exercise.
• I wish people would accept me as *I* want to be, instead of feeling that I’m not making the most of myself unless I am more like *them.*
• I wish our kitty Lynksys wasn’t sick again.
• I wish Santa would bring me this.
• I also wish Santa would bring me this.

[tags]Fantasy, wish list, meme[/tags]

As seen on work in progress…, ilaxSTUDIO and ajooja

1. Who is your partner?
My husband, Bret.

2. How long have you been together?
We’ve been a couple for five years in December, married for four as of last August.

3. How long did you date?
We never did, not in the conventional sense. But we lived together for six months before we got married.

4. How old is your partner?
49.

5. Who eats more?
Me, by a long shot. He can go all day without food.

6. Who said “I love you” first?
Bret, way before me.

7. Who is taller?
Bret, by 10 inches.

8. Who sings better?
We’re both good, but his voice is much better.

9. Who is smarter?
Bret is brilliant on certain subjects (like computers, math and science). But his severe dyslexia makes anything to do with words difficult for him. In that area, I’m much more knowledgeable. I also have a much broader range of knowledge than he does because of my avid reading habits.

10. Whose temper is worse?
Mine. Bret’s pretty mellow, unless it’s something to do with AOHell. I once witnessed him reduce an AOL CSR to a sobbing pile of jelly with his righteous wrath. It was like the Voice of God damning you for eternity.

11. Who does the laundry?
Whoever needs something clean.

12. Who takes out the garbage?
He does. We use those big black bags, and it’s too heavy for me to carry.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
I do. Bret definitely sleeps on the wrong side of the bed.

14. Who pays the bills?
We pay everything online. EVERYTHING. And we share the duty. (I haven’t mailed anything in more than a year!)

15. Who is better with the computer?
Building or repairing, he is. Blowing up things or fragging monsters, he is. For graphic design, blogging or image editing I RULE. He is the Excel King, I am the Queen of Word.

16. Who mows the lawn?
The groundskeeping crew.

17. Who cooks dinner?
We are both excellent cooks, but Bret cooks about twice as often as I do. I clean up the kitchen when he cooks. I also clean up the kitchen when *I* cook.

18. Who drives when you are together?
Bret. My driving terrifies him. I have extremely poor depth perception.

19. Who pays when you go out?
We do.

20. Who is most stubborn?
Me.

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?
Bret, although I’m perfectly willing to admit it if I should ever be wrong.

22. Whose parents do you see the most?
Both sets of parents are deceased.

23. Who kissed who first?
It was very, very mutual. And long.

24. Who asked who out?
Well, I asked him to move in with me. Does that count?

25. Who proposed?
Bret did, by cell phone from Georgia while I sat in the FedEx parking lot. When I said yes, he let me open the package my ring was in. Fourteen days later, on Christmas Eve, we finally stood face to face for the first time in 34 years.

26. Who is more sensitive?
Definitely me. Uber-, ultra-, hyper-sensitive. And bipolar, too! Fun times.

27. Who has more friends?
I do. Bret’s pretty selective about who he opens up to. I love everybody.

28. Who has more siblings?
I originally did, but we are equal now. He has two brothers; I have two sisters.

29. Who wears the pants in the family?
Bret does, but he lets me in them whenever I want. ;)

Picked up from Bre, Hilly and Dave2

Ten phrases I use way too often:

1. Are you kidding me right now? In an incredulous tone. Picked up from Juli.
2. You motherfucking cocksucking whore! My default exclamation of frustration when an inanimate object is not cooperating. Gets a real workout when I have to update my Wordpress.
3. Oh, wait … I use this mostly in online communications (like my blogs). I sometimes wonder if my readers are thinking, Okay, that was cute the first 47 times she said it. Now, not so much. But it’s a trademark of mine! And that leads me to …
4. 47. The number I will invariably use when the actual count is unknown. Unless we are talking percentages; then it’s 86 (as in, 86% of my readers like my frequent use of “Oh, wait …”).
5. What the fuck, Chuck? An expression of confusion. I’ve said this for so long, I have no idea where it originally came from.
6. Uhhh, okay … Used both written and verbally, in a dubious tone, to express skepticism. There’s an implied “if you say so” afterward.
7. Toepick! From far too many viewings of The Cutting Edge, a silly movie Bret and I both inexplicably adore. We use this (ONLY to each other!) when an unexpected obstacle ? physical or otherwise ? is encountered.
8. What a load of codswallop! British slang for “oh, bullshit!” Probably picked up from the BBC, many years ago. Sometimes I substitute “horseshit” for “codswallop.” For some reason, I almost never say “bullshit.”
9. Yeah, right! Another expression of disbelief. Apparently, I often have difficulty believing what I’m seeing or hearing.
10. Sweating like a two-dollar whore on a second shift. A complaint that can only be truly appreciated by someone who’s lived in the Southeast, this is an expression I coined during our summer in Georgia last year. Also comes in handy for hot flashes.

[tags]Slang, Phraseology, habits, NSFW[/tags]

Not counting the “Big Three”

1. Damon B. I lost my computer virginity under his gentle tutelage, and that earns him top spot on this list. Damon was the first genuine computer god I ever knew, and still works in the IT field. When the Macintosh SE in my office died, he gutted the case and installed a pothos plant. Best memory: Summer of 1993, when we competed to see who could conquer The Secret of Monkey Island first.
2. Gordon M. The only “boyfriend” I had in the 20 years between my marriages. It was a platonic relationship ? we dated for 2? years and never even kissed ? but it was wonderful to spend time with such an intelligent guy. The voice of one of my current co-workers sounds exactly like Gordon’s, and hearing it makes me miss those wild and crazy Saturday night shifts at the T-A. Best memory: Coming out of the anesthesia after major surgery to find Gordon holding my hand, coaxing me awake.
3. Rick B. Although he’s been my ex-husband’s best friend since kindergarten, Rick refused to take sides in our battles and remained my friend long after the divorce. He also mastered the skill of being a fair and competent supervisor (mine) at work, while being totally uninhibited outside the workplace. Best memory: Rick coming to work in two different shoes, which he blamed on dressing in the dark. Okay, but the brown shoe was a slip-on and the black one was a lace-up! [By the way, that anecdote won me my very first copy of After Dark in an online writing contest.]
4. Eddie T. I fell for him in sixth grade, because he looked like Paul McCartney and wrote like John Lennon. His looks catapulted him to super-popularity in junior high, and I was relegated to fall-back status, the girl-between-girlfriends. It didn’t quench the flame of my torch, though time and distance eventually did. Last I heard, he’d become a studio guitarist in L.A. Best memory: My first slow dance, with Eddie at his 13th birthday party, in an awesome dress my mom had made to my specifications.
5. Bob L. I met Bob in 1969 when we were fellow hippies at Poway High, and we’ve been friends ever since. There is no stage of my adult life that Bob has not been part of. He’s known me as neurotic single, unhappy wife, serene single mom, giddy girlfriend and blissful second-marriage wife. [Bob! Why weren't you at either of my weddings?!?!] Meantime, he’s dealt with some tough burdens in his own life, but never lost his cheerful optimism. I love you, Commack Riviera! Best memory: After meeting my infant daughter for the first time, Bob telling me: “Ya done good, Suzi-Q.”
6. Patrick C. One of the nuttiest people I’ve ever known, Patrick was all about the fun. In between delivering our copy to us, he’d be singing into a pica pole or dancing a la Footloose. He was also an outspoken proponent of gay rights, and delighted in mocking stereotypes. Patrick often made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe. Best memory: Two a.m. on a Sunday, I’d been crying about some guy I was crushing on, and Patrick decided he could best help me by painting my toenails. It worked.
7. Tom N. If I hadn’t already been married when we met, I might have married Tom. There was an undeniable, strong attraction between us which we danced around (literally!) and only spoke of once (one of those “if this, if that” conversations). He was the Dago of Chick, Spick and Dago (I was the Chick, Rick B was the Spick), and our good times usually involved belting out oldies from the ’60s. Best memory: After he’d moved back to Chicago, Tom called me at work on my birthday to serenade me with “Happy Happy Birthday Baby.”
8. Ken W. During the 17 months that I worked at the Poway News-Chieftain, Ken did his best to convince me that we were meant to be together. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone so obsessed with me, but not at all in a scary way. He was incredibly sweet and charming, and actually made me wish I could fall in love with him because he would’ve been an awesome boyfriend! I still have the gorgeous love letters he sent me after I left Poway. Best memory: An early-summer day when we took our cameras and rode his motorcycle around Palomar Mountain. I don’t even like motorcycles, but that day was perfect.
9. Evan G. I knew his parents before he was conceived. His mom and I were pregnant at the same time. He and Juli played together as toddlers. They went to school together, grew up together. I wanted this boy for my son-in-law second only to Wil Wheaton. Evan’s sooo close to perfect … except that there’s no magic between Juli and him. They love each other dearly, but never fell in love. Evan recently got married. Some mother, somewhere, fell on her knees that day and thanked everything holy. It wasn’t me. :cry:
10. Dave2. If you’ve ever met Dave2, you don’t even have to ask why he’s on here. (Plus, he paid me to include him.)

[tags]Men, friends, love, unforgettable[/tags]