Pseudotherapy

I presented our neighborhood studmuffin Karl with a special token of love today, so come on over to Secondhand Tryptophan and share in the joy!

(Guestational badge generously provided by Dave2)

Welcome to Day Five of my Big 5th celebration! In honor of my five-year anniversary TODAY, I’m doing a week of posts celebrating my quirky blogging history. You’re all invited to join me in this retrospective romp.

* * * * *

Five years, 13 blogs — that’s a whole lot of posts. To celebrate today, I’d like to share with you some of my favorite moments from the past five years. But first, a few people I’d like to thank:

Sizzle, for being the first commenter 80% of the time (I sometimes wonder how she’s had time to read it!). And for sharing Finn.
Kim and Suze, for being the most loving blogdaughters I could hope for.
Hilly, for elevating the consumption of frozen treats to an art form. And for continuing to put up with my … issues, even when it’s tough.
Kevin, for accepting Bernard’s presence as fact. And for the frame-within-a-frame photo that was my desktop wallpaper for months and months.
Carolyn, for helping me to remember that simply authoring a blog does not make you a good writer.
Karl, for insuring I will never eat Vienna Sausages again. And for being Superman.
Bec, for offering me her couch. In ENGLAND.
Ajooja, for sharing my love of San Diego. And being naked.
John, for making me eat my words (don’t ask, because I won’t tell).
Dave2, for bringing religion to the masses. And for the most rockileptic drunk bowling EVER. AND for allowing me to subscribe to his pre-publish feed.
And everyone who’s ever readme becoming a heinous chronic poppy coast pseudo mojo hodad …

I pink puffy patchwork heart you all!!! Please stick around for my next five years.

---

Featured on the cover! *cough*

---

Best WordPress-related Post

August 16, 2006
Dear WP template: F#@k off and die
Seriously, why are you being so difficult?

I can’t find one damn reason for you to be putting big fat spaces under the images I place in my lists (which I will be doing A. LOT.). You are being a VERY BAD TEMPLATE, and it’s starting to piss me off. After all we’ve been through, do you really need to pull this petty shit?

Just a reminder that I DO have another template I’m working on. You could be replaced. Yes, it’s in German, but I’m halfway through translating it, bitch, so STFU.

Oh, bollocks. I’m going to bed. You will, like an unwelcome house guest, still be here tomorrow.

I’m-on-top-tonight-whether-Bret-likes-it-or-not-because-by-God-
I’m-mastering-SOMETHING kisses,
SJ

---

Chronic Listaholic?in space!

(Click to enlarge)

---

Heinous Haiku, illustrated

September 23, 2006

---

The best music list I ever did

April 18, 2006
~ The Soundtrack Of My Life ~
If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack include?
The opening title: Suzie Lightning, Warren Zevon
The waking-up scene: Waking Up Tired, HooDoo Gurus
The average day/menial tasks montage: I Turn My Camera On, Spoon
The secret crush: What Would Happen (If We Kissed), Meredith Brooks
The first date/blind date: Someone Like You, Van Morrison
The party: Suzy Got Her Big Hair On, David Clayton-Thomas
The dance sequence: Velcro Fly, ZZ Top
The falling in love/”spark” scene: The Consequences Of Falling, k.d. lang
The lovemaking scene: Afterglow, INXS
The fight scene: Awake, Godsmack
The break-up: There There, Radiohead
Long night alone: The Drugs Don’t Work, The Verve
The reconciliation: Love Don’t Lie, Def Leppard
The mental breakdown: Meltdown, Ash
The stalking: System, Chester Bennington
The explosion/shoot-out: Bodies, Drowning Pool
The get-away/driving scene: Work, Jimmy Eat World
The learning-a-lesson montage: Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime, Beck
Deep thoughts: Serenity, Godsmack
The flashback: I Remember You, Skid Row
Regrets: It’s Been Awhile, Staind
The death scene: Amazing Grace [sung in Cherokee], Walela
As the closing credits roll: I Can See Clearly Now, Jimmy Cliff

---

My favorite blog “decor” EVER

I found the screenshot!!! (click to enlarge)

---

The photo that became an urban legend

---

Getting Elfed

November 25, 2007
Four of your favorite bloggers as you’ve never seen us!

Click on the picture to watch, and be sure your sound is on.
Well, we used to dance …

---

I made up a meme!!!

October 31, 2007
Happy Hallowmeme, everyone! Welcome to my version of Behind The Mask: Who’s That Blogger? Below you will find 10 quotes from some of my favorite bloggers. See if you can identify who said what from the list of names provided (more names than quotes, btw). Feel free to browse their blogs in search of clues.

Choose from these bloggers:
Laughing Muse of Title Deleted For Security Reasons
Kevin of Kapgar
Hilly of Snackie’s Pudge-Free World
Dave2 of Blogography
Catherine of [The Seventh Notebook]
Ajooja of ajooja
Liz of Everyday Goddess
Neil of Citizen of the Month
Sizzle of Sizzle Says
Avitable of Avitable
Diana of Americans in Singapore
Karl of Secondhand Tryptophan
Kim of ilaxSTUDIO

And here are the quotes:

1. Don’t you think we all hit a point in our lives where we have to shed ourselves in some respect to make room for what has been growing inside of us? [Sizzle]

2. I try to avoid using absolutes (only a Sith deals in absolutes), but it applies here. [Kim]

3. Women throw boobies in our faces and, as if by magic, our money disappears. [Dave2]

4. Like a patchwork, lost loves are sewn into our heart no matter what we say or feel. [Hilly]

5. They want me to know that, while I’m “some special kind of fucked up,” I’m not pathologically fucked up. [Karl]

6. I heart the mens, they rule. [Catherine]

7. Sopping wet, we went straight to our favorite watering hole and picked up some chips and salsa, beers, and Lemon Drop shots. [Kevin]

8. You’re not truly ready for a healthy relationship until you are honestly happy without one. [Liz]

9. It’s a whole lot less time-consuming pleasing her orally this way than spending all night with your face between her thighs. [Neil]

10. Losing love hurts as much as a death in the family. As much as I love being in love, I think I’d rather have happiness in other forms than go through that kind of pain. [Ajooja]

---

Hot blogger babes!

Good hair, bad hair

---

OMG, cutest couple EVER

Karl and my baby girl should totally get married!!!

---

The little list that says it all (about me)

July 12, 2006
Ten Things You’ll NEVER Hear Me Say

1. “Hey, guess what? I bought myself a pet cockatoo!!!”
2. “When you go to the store, could you pick me up a package of licorice drops?”
3. “Holy shit, it’s pitch black in here. I think I’ll lay down and take a nap.”
4. “I’m so excited — tonight’s the season premiere of ‘American Idol’!”
5. “I’ve always wanted to ride that roller coaster on top of the Stratosphere.”
6. “I’m thinking about selling my Nikon. I never use it, anyway.”
7. “Honey, let’s go on a harbor cruise for our anniversary dinner.”
8. “We have too many cats.”
9. “Woo hoo! The new Jessica Simpson CD comes out Tuesday!!!”
10. “Are you kidding me? Clive Cussler couldn’t write his way out of an open checkbook!”

---

The movie meme that wouldn’t die (because we couldn’t stop playing)

• Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
• Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie (or quote them from memory because you are that badass).
• Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.
• Fill in the film title once it?s been guessed.
• Players, no Googling or using IMDb search functions (don?t cheat!).

By the way, not only are these 15 of my favorite films, these are some of my favorite movie quotes of all time.

1. “My uncle used to say that we like people for their qualities but we love them for their defects.” [Hellboy, guessed by Laughing Muse]
2. “The plan is you drink a nice tall glass of Shut The Fuck Up!” [Dawn Of The Dead, guessed by Curiosity Killer]
3. “Did IQs drop sharply while I was away?” [Aliens, guessed by Laughing Muse]
4.“Believing oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind.” [Star Trek: First Contact, guessed by Steven]
5. “Music’s the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons away.” [Across The Universe, guessed by Kilax]
6. “Goin’ on a year now I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!” [Serenity, guessed by Suze]
7. “Reverse Darwinism — survival of the most idiotic.” [Jurassic Park III; no one guessed this!]
8. “You’re lucky you weren’t alive during the Microsoft conflict. Hell, we were beating each other with our own severed limbs.” [Jason X, guessed by Bec]
9. “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires.” [The Lost Boys, guessed by Hilly]
10. “Can I get any of you cunts a drink?” [Shaun Of The Dead, guessed by Fig]
11. “I knew your sister. She was a homicidal bitch.” [Resident Evil: Extinction, guessed by Juli]
12. “Seriously, when was the last time you ever turned on the radio to listen to popular music? ’70s, ’80s? Michael Jackson was still black? Pearl Jam, maybe?” [Live Free Or Die Hard, guessed by Juli]
13. “Regrets are a waste of time. They’re the past crippling you in the present.” [Under The Tuscan Sun, guessed by Sizzle]
14. “Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room, didn’t ya, you bastard!” [Tremors, guessed by Bec]
15. “I don’t give a shit about sleeping, Leon. I want love, or death. That’s it.” [The Professional (aka Leon), guessed by Bec]

---

BFF also means Blog Friends Forever

Embraced by His Daveness

Aiyee, getting seriously nostalgic here. I could go on and on and on, but instead, it’s time to make some NEW memories …

Welcome to Day?Four of my Big 5th celebration! In honor of my five-year anniversary on July 3rd, I?m doing a week of posts celebrating my quirky blogging history. You?re all invited to join me in this retrospective romp.

And while we’re celebrating, please plan on stopping by Buddha On The Road on Friday, when John celebrates his one-year blogging anniversary! Do it before you head to the beach and get drunk, k?

* * * * *

In February 2006, Bret and I were offered jobs with a young company based in Georgia. The company was a joint endeavor of two old friends of Bret’s, and his brother Randy was already working for them. Bret, who’d lived in Georgia most of his life, had been singing its praises to me for three years, and was thrilled at the prospect of moving back home. For a multitude of reasons, I was more than willing to make the move ? although the idea of living 3,000 miles away from Juli made me sick with dread. True, I’d moved away from the Pacific once before and nearly had a nervous breakdown, but at least this time we’d be within a day’s drive of another ocean. Plus, the money was good, we’d be working from home and they offered to pay for our move. We decided to take the chance.

Literally from the moment we arrived, the move was a disaster. The house we’d leased was a rundown mess in a tiny town that didn’t even have a Taco Bell, much less a Starbucks. The Bible Belt mindset and lack of separation between church and state appalled me. Six weeks after we moved, the company laid me off. Two months later they let Bret go, and folded soon after that. And as the weather warmed, the bugs came out ? and they all thought I was a tasty dish. Even Bret had to admit Georgia was not as wonderful as he’d remembered. But we were stranded ? broke, living on unemployment and told at every job we applied for that we were way too over-qualified.

At first, I poured my unhappiness out on a blog called Poppy Among The Peaches. I’m not sure I ever had an upbeat post on that entire blog. But my online friends kept urging me to give Georgia a chance, and to stop being so negative, so I decided to try accepting the many changes in my life. I can’t honestly say that I ever loved living in “Bugbite Holler,” but life did gradually become more bearable. As part of my self-conducted therapy, I deleted Poppy and created my very first WordPress blog, The Write Coast.

Since I wasn’t working,?I had beaucoups time to be creative. I posted almost every day, writing about my new life and the changes I was going through, and illustrating with my own photos. I loved everything about The Write Coast ??the name, the tagline, the?look, the?content. During the remaining months we lived in Bugbite Holler, my life?revolved around my blog. I became more devoted to it than?I’d ever been before or since.?I took part in the 2006 Blogathon, posting every 30 minutes for 24 hours, even though my fucktarded hosting service went down one hour into the blogathon, forcing me to frantically set up The Write Coast Redux on blogspot. In October, I transformed TWC into The Haunted Coast for my 30 Days Of Halloween, and had the funnest month of blogging EVER. God,?I wish you could see how it looked that month, just an awesome gothic look! The next month, I did NaBloPoMo. TWC became The Write Coast’s Yule Blog for the Holidailies in December, all dressed up in holiday attire.?

And then, the miracle happened. A series of seemingly unrelated events all came together and made our return to California possible. All we needed was a place to stay. MY BFF Sheryl offered us a room in her house until we could get our own place, so we packed up everything that would fit in a U-Haul trailer, threw the cats in the car and hauled ass back home. All that happened in the space of a single week. We were back in San Diego County in time for Christmas.

The one negative about The Write Coast was the hosting service I had at that time. It was a constant pain in my ample ass, an example of?criminal incompetence in business if ever I’ve seen one. Think of every?horrific story you’ve ever heard about an online company, and it probably applies. There was only one thing worse than doing business with them, and that was attempting to STOP doing business with them. We eventually had to send a letter threatening legal action to get them to stop taking money out of our account. I became so enraged at them that, after a particularly frustrating, obscenity-laden phone call to their Customer Disservice, I logged into my account and deleted EVERYTHING from their servers. BAM! Just like that, both Chronic Listaholic and The Write Coast were gone. I was so?furious that I didn’t even take the time to save backups. Luckily, I had run my?regular backups the previous week, so I only lost the last few posts. But my impulsiveness sure left my online friends wondering WTF happened. Needless to say, I was beyond sorry for my rashness the next day. I should have just moved everything to a different service! What a dumbass. And then to compound it, I sold both domains within a week. Why? I do not know. At the time, it seemed like the logical next step. Again with the dumbassness. After that, I couldn’t even resurrect them with another host. That is, until I?created Pseudotherapy and got the idea to set up subdomains for both Chronic Listaholic and The Write Coast, which is how you are now able to read them. I haven’t fixed all the image links yet, but I’m working on it! It makes me happy to be able to visit them again.

Question Of The Day: What was the name of the so-called hosting service that I refer to in this post? If you weren’t reading then or don’t remember, you can either search the archives or take a guess. Hint: It gets deservedly terrible ratings, and has been blackballed in some places. The first correct answer posted in the comments wins a prize! [Juli: Honey, you're not eligible. Sorry.]

Oh yeah, prizes … it’s looking like gift e-cards right now, because sheesh, shipping adds up!

Welcome to Day Three of my Big 5th celebration! In honor of my five-year anniversary on July 3rd, I?m doing a week of posts celebrating my quirky blogging history. You?re all invited to join me in this retrospective romp.

* * * * *

You know that saying about the best-laid plans? Yeah, right here. In the fantasy world that lives between the covers of my notebook (the spiral-bound kind), these posts were supposed to include screenshots of my previous blogs. Because I’m obsessive like that, I’ve kept a screenshot of each blog I’ve done. Even some of the one-day ones. I had an entire folder of them, and planned to use them as appropriate. The folder is MIA. I fear that somehow, in one of life’s mysteries, it escaped transfer from my old hard drive to the new one, although how it could have done so I can’t imagine. The other possibility is that it somehow got dragged into a different folder, BUT! If so, it would still show up in my searches. Whatever, it’s apparently gone. Hence the lack of interesting visual elements this week.

And now for some good news …?WE HAVE A?Question Of The Day WINNER!!! Actually, we have three. Even though it’s only Day Three, I’m declaring Eden the winner?for Day One’s question, because you can’t get much closer than EXACTLY RIGHT. Yes, Eden was spot on with her guess of 13 as the total number of my blogs, past and present. Woo hoo, she gets a prize! Well, don’t get too excited. It’s not a trip to Bali or anything.

We have TWO winners for Day Two’s QOTD. Bec and Kevin both had the correct answer yesterday. Bec posted hers first, but I’m also awarding a prize to Kevin for expanding on the details. See the update I added yesterday if you’re wondering WTF? Oh, and those prizes? Will be announced on Saturday. Come on, did you really expect me to have this whole thing ready ahead of time? You had to know I’d be pulling it together on the fly!

Speaking of all my previous blogs, here’s a list of them in approximate chronological order:

becoming mrs. bret (2003-2005)?- My wedding/early marriage?blog, where I appropriately lost my blogcherry.

Chronic Listaholic (2004-2007)?- Lists, lists and uh, lists. Even my Lost Bloggers participation (as Amelia Earhart) was done in the form of lists.?Mainitaining this?finally cured my list-making compulsion.

Heinous Haiku (2005) - Deliberately awful haiku, with an occasional serious one thrown in. Only ran about six months, but?did get featured as?the Link of the Day on some other haiku site that I can’t remember.

readme.txt (2005-2006)?- A daily-journal-type blog, with heavy use of my photos. When we moved East, I closed this one and started Poppy.

Poppy Among The Peaches (2006) - My transition blog when I moved to Georgia, aka “The Daily Downer.” I wrote about how miserable I was, over and over. Kevin used to post these valiant pep talks in the comments (”Think positive! Make an effort to meet people! Try LEAVING THE HOUSE!”). When I started getting used to living in Georgia, part of my therapy was to demolish this sobblog and create …

The Write Coast (2006-2007) - My first WordPress blog, and my personal favorite, truly a work of love. More, much more on this tomorrow.

Pseudotherapy (2007-current) - Yeah, you’re reading it.

Kitchen Mojo (2007) - A very short-lived cooking blog. Cute design, but Too. Much. Work.

The Edge of Ennui (2007) - A private blog known about only by Hilly and Lesli, where I poured out my darkest secrets and heartaches. It seemed like a good idea, but I got scared and took it down.

Pseudofitness (2008) - Hilly, how long did this last? Three weeks, maybe? I got all fired up to exercise and diet and shit. Created this ADORABLE companion blog to chronicle my progress. I think I worked longer on the design than the blog was actually up. Attention deficit? ME?!?! *cough*

Hodad In The Green Room (2007-current) - My sadly-neglected surf-culture blog. I had great plans for this, but can’t seem to remember it even exists. Sure had fun designing it, though!

Child In Time (current) - A platform for my family stories and reminiscences, still in the development stages. I’m now on the third design concept. :dizzy:

Sex Changes (2008) - The blog I used for GBBMC2008,?on which I was the Week 3 writing winner.

A few of these show up in the Wayback Machine, but most of them are long gone. It just kills me that I’ve lost my collection of screenshots, because some of these had really cool designs.

Okay, how about a Question Of The Day? Without fear of reprisals, what blog advice would you like to offer me? What one thing do you think would help improve the quality of Pseudotherapy in some way? Don’t be shy, and don’t worry about being tactful! I want the gritty truth. Make your suggestions in the comments. For today’s question, there is obviously no right or wrong answer, so I will award a prize to the suggestion I like the best.

Welcome to Day Two of my Big 5th celebration! In honor of my five-year anniversary on July 3rd, I’m doing a week of posts celebrating my quirky blogging history. You’re all invited to join me in this retrospective romp.

* * * * *

After about six months of publishing becoming mrs. bret, I had learned a bit more about this new blogging thing. For most of my life, I’ve been a compulsive list-maker, and while sorting through my piles of hand-written lists one evening, it hit me that I could use a blog to organize them. At that point, it didn’t even cross my mind that other people might enjoy reading them, too. People outside my family, I mean. I still hadn’t seen many blogs other than the ones that came up in the Blogs We’ve Noticed list on Blogger’s front page, and I had no idea what a growing phenomenon it was.

I launched Chronic Listaholic on January 8, 2004 with a list of Ten Must-See Drug Movies. No fanfare, no introduction, just a simple list of ten. I choose that list solely because it was a short one to type. Blogger still had no built-in commenting, but I had done my homework and signed up for a free account with Haloscan about two weeks after the debut of CL. My very first comment EVER was posted by my friend Lia on January 17th (not counting a comment from Bret posted as a test). Several more followed that day, and pretty soon I started getting comments from total strangers. I was astounded and thrilled that anyone had even found my little blog, much less taken the time to comment. My?unhealthy comment fixation probably began that very day.

Chronic Listaholic was truly my training ground for blogging. During the three years that I maintained it, I learned how to include images in posts, prevent spam comments, customize the standard templates, and provide an RSS feed. Above all, I took list-making from the level of simple hobby to finely-honed art form. And I began to make friends around the blogiverse in earnest. Among them, a guy from Washington State named Dave2.

Dave2 found his way to Chronic Listaholic via a Google search, which landed him on one of my movie lists, My Ten All-Time Favorite Zombie Movies.? Although he didn’t comment that day, I guess Dave2 liked what he saw because he kept coming back. I was already a fan of his Blogography, and had even included it on a list of my ten favorite blogs (and if I made that list today, it would still be included). Dave2 was definitely Chronic Listaholic’s biggest fan, and?through him?I connected with?Kevin and Kim. Kevin’s Lost Bloggers in April of 2006 introduced me to Karl and Suze. Through Karl, I met Hilly. As is only fitting for a demi-deity, Dave2 is ultimately responsible for almost all of my online friendships, because even though back then he was only getting 10 or so comments a day (!!!),?they were the cocktail party for our little corner of the blogosphere. Sizzle, Belinda, Bec, Neil … we all found each other’s blogs via comments we made at Blogography. Bow down before the power of the Dave!

I’m honored to say that all those early fans are still with me, many blogs later. They’ve become genuine friends, and I’ve since met and socialized with several of them in person. Although I laid Chronic Listaholic to rest in February 2007 (for which I don’t think Dave2 has ever forgiven me), my blog friends had followed me to The Write Coast, and they followed me here. I know I can count on them to always have my back. Because that’s what friends are for.

Question Of The Day: What was the event which inspired to Dave2 to mount his white monkey horse and ride write valiantly?in my defense when the reputation of Chronic Listaholic was threatened? Post your guess in the comments ? the first person with the correct answer wins a prize!

UPDATE: We have a winner, folks - actually, two. Bec was the first to post the correct answer, but Kevin fleshed out the details, so both will receive prizes. The incident? Dave2 reamed The Bitches at I Talk 2 Much a new one for their harsh review of Chronic Listaholic. They absolutely shredded the (then) yellow-pad-&-felt-pen design, claiming it made them want to gouge out their eyes, and said my list concept bored them to death. I kept posting, but alas, no fatalities occurred.