Pseudotherapy

I have decided that I have the ugliest blog in America.

This is not a mood. I went to bed at 7:15 last night and got eight full hours of sleep, so today I’m feeling like I could take the gold in perkiness. No, this dissatisfaction has been percolating since my first glimpse of Sizzle’s new look. Fresh, clean, uniquely HER. That’s what I want. I don’t want to copy her look. I want my own fresh, clean look that is uniquely ME. And my frustration has grown with every other blog I’ve visited that has a “look” I like. Mine is so boring and blah. I dislike clutter, but I think in my efforts to avoid it, I went too far in the other direction. There’s a huge area between “uncluttered” and “barren,” and I am way too close to the wrong end. It’s like the difference between this:

And this:

Or even better, this:

Unfortunately, I’ve yet to be hit by inspiration, at least for anything that would work with the name Pseudotherapy. Funny, I have no trouble at all coming up with concepts for other people’s websites. My own? Stumps me.

In other news, BRET HAS QUIT SMOKING!!! He’s on Chantix, and doing amazingly well. He’s even in a great mood most of the time. Of course it’s still early, but we are both encouraged by how much easier he’s finding the ordeal than we expected. Right now, it’s having something to do with his hands that’s bugging him the most. The nicotine addiction seems to be subdued by the Chantix. So far, it’s not too bad — especially for a guy who’s been smoking 40 years. Yay!

When something becomes detrimental to your physical, mental, emotional and social health, it’s time to eliminate it from your life. So I am getting a divorce — from my computer.

This week my doctor grilled me hardcore about how and why all my healths have deteriorated so severely over the past five years. I’ve gained 60 pounds, my blood pressure has skyrocketed, my muscle tone has disappeared, my fitness level is negative-zero and I’ve had to go on two medications for depression and anxiety. I’ve also developed serious issues with self-esteem and confidence. Ultimately, we reached the conclusion that I spend too much time sitting at my computer and not enough time living my life. The computer and the world it opened to me have become my life, and my life in the “real world” has suffered for it.

I don’t blame the computer. It doesn’t turn itself on. I know my own choices and actions are at fault here. I also know that my choices and actions are the only solution. And it’s not like any of this is a big shock to me. When I took a 30-day hiatus from the blogging world recently, the change in my life was astounding. Like getting a big bucket of cold reality dumped over my head! Until then, I truly hadn’t realized how drastically my life (and myself) had changed. And to be honest, I haven’t been enjoying this blog nearly as much since then. I miss the vitality of my life the way it is when I am not computer-obsessed.

I’m choosing to exit the blogging world, which is where I spend 80% of my computer time. At least this shutdown isn’t impulsive. I made myself wait to be sure, and I set up a few “tests” to confirm to myself that this is what I want to do. And I did my BIg 5 celebration. Now I’m ready to say sayanora to online life in favor of a richer “real” life. The feeling of relief I have is a clear indication that I’ve made the right choice.

Thank you to everyone who has supported my endeavors over the past five years. I wish you all the best.

What can I say about an evening in which I got kissed by Jester and Karl at the same time, Dave handed me his heart on a button and my husband left me to go make out with another man? Pretty frakking great, that’s what!

Last night was Dave Diego, and the day was fraught with stress for me. Although Dave was the actual host of the event, I felt the burden of responsibility for assuring my home city made a good showing. With ComicCon 2008 having invaded the Gaslamp Quarter, scheduling a blogger gathering in the area was dicey. I don’t know which I was more worried about — everyone finding parking, or locating an eatery that could seat 20 people for dinner on the night of ComicCon’s Masquerade Ball. Plus, as usual I stressed about what to wear, when to leave, whether Bret would enjoy himself.

After emailing explicit instructions to the other attendees, I failed to follow them myself. Totally forgot to make sure we had change for the trolley ticket machines. Ended up driving into downtown and getting lost while trying to find a not-yet-full parking lot that we could afford. Finally decided to grab the next $15-or-less parking we saw. It turned out to be a multi-level garage with signs stating the elevator was not operating, only you didn’t see the signs until after you’d paid and pulled in. We parked three levels up, and began the trek to the restaurant where Dave Diego was already in full swing. And which was not the restaurant I’d chosen after many hours of research, because they’d neglected to inform me of two little facts: 1. There was some fight being broadcast to a full house that night, and 2. there was a $10 cover charge due to said event. Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

Karl and Hilly had been spreading the word via Twitter, which doesn’t work on my cheapo basic phone, but she called to let us know just as we started walking. Despite the last-minute change, the first arrivals had snared primo window booths right in the front of Whiskey Girl at 5th and Market, so we located the Dave Diego crowd immediately. Dave greeted us with personalized lanyards and passed us the bag-o-buttons with which to add flairage. And the hugging commenced!

In the course of the evening, I hugged and kissed Karl, Dave, Jester, Vahid and Hilly. Oh, and Bret and Juli, of course. I finally got to meet Winter and her daughter Motley. It was also my first time meeting the dashing Vahid, of whose photography I am quite a fan. Paul (Jester) and Michael (UncleMonkeyBoy) are both genuinely nice people and, in the time-honored tradition that frustrates straight women everywhere, the entire gay delegation was drop-dead gorgeous. Jerry (Othurme) was seated over at The Gay Table, so I didn’t get a chance to chat much with him or UMB. Next time! It was good to see Amandarin of Ordinary Extraordinary again — she was in town working ComicCon (at the convention itself, not the streets) and took time off to join us for dinner with her friend, Adam. The highlight of the night for me, however, was getting smooched by TWO of my crushes at once!

Wait. Maybe the highlight was the Handing Out Of The Cards. Yes, you jealous people, all of us Dave Diego attendees were gifted with TWO decks of the mythical Blogography playing cards!!! They are real, they are printed, they are beautiful. I have held them in my hands and marveled at their fabooness. Let the salivating begin. Because the cards? Are teh @w3s0me.

Blogger gatherings always amaze me. Sitting in a booth with a bunch of people I’d gotten to know online, several of whom I’d just met in person that night, I was pleased to feel completely comfortable and at ease. Although we are a diverse group, we’re brought together by our shared love of blogging, and from that commonality, real friendships develop. Those friendships in turn lead to other new friendships, and the circle expands. It’s a lovely thing indeed.

After dinner and the longest wait for the check in the history of mankind, there was more drinking and a trip to an artist’s studio. Bret and I missed those because we are old and cannot be away from our computers for extended periods of time without our health suffering. We departed after dinner and a final bout of hugging. It was tough for Bret to tear himself away from his make-out buddy, Karl, but he smoked 17 9 a few cigarettes in Karl’s honor on the drive home. And we didn’t even get lost finding our way back to the freeway.

And now I start counting the days until Dave2LA2 in November.

My full Dave Diego Flickr photoset can be viewed here.

Other recaps of the evening: Dave’s, Winter’s, Karl’s, Hilly’s.

I presented our neighborhood studmuffin Karl with a special token of love today, so come on over to Secondhand Tryptophan and share in the joy!

(Guestational badge generously provided by Dave2)

Welcome to Day Five of my Big 5th celebration! In honor of my five-year anniversary TODAY, I’m doing a week of posts celebrating my quirky blogging history. You’re all invited to join me in this retrospective romp.

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Five years, 13 blogs — that’s a whole lot of posts. To celebrate today, I’d like to share with you some of my favorite moments from the past five years. But first, a few people I’d like to thank:

Sizzle, for being the first commenter 80% of the time (I sometimes wonder how she’s had time to read it!). And for sharing Finn.
Kim and Suze, for being the most loving blogdaughters I could hope for.
Hilly, for elevating the consumption of frozen treats to an art form. And for continuing to put up with my … issues, even when it’s tough.
Kevin, for accepting Bernard’s presence as fact. And for the frame-within-a-frame photo that was my desktop wallpaper for months and months.
Carolyn, for helping me to remember that simply authoring a blog does not make you a good writer.
Karl, for insuring I will never eat Vienna Sausages again. And for being Superman.
Bec, for offering me her couch. In ENGLAND.
Ajooja, for sharing my love of San Diego. And being naked.
John, for making me eat my words (don’t ask, because I won’t tell).
Dave2, for bringing religion to the masses. And for the most rockileptic drunk bowling EVER. AND for allowing me to subscribe to his pre-publish feed.
And everyone who’s ever readme becoming a heinous chronic poppy coast pseudo mojo hodad …

I pink puffy patchwork heart you all!!! Please stick around for my next five years.

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Featured on the cover! *cough*

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Best WordPress-related Post

August 16, 2006
Dear WP template: F#@k off and die
Seriously, why are you being so difficult?

I can’t find one damn reason for you to be putting big fat spaces under the images I place in my lists (which I will be doing A. LOT.). You are being a VERY BAD TEMPLATE, and it’s starting to piss me off. After all we’ve been through, do you really need to pull this petty shit?

Just a reminder that I DO have another template I’m working on. You could be replaced. Yes, it’s in German, but I’m halfway through translating it, bitch, so STFU.

Oh, bollocks. I’m going to bed. You will, like an unwelcome house guest, still be here tomorrow.

I’m-on-top-tonight-whether-Bret-likes-it-or-not-because-by-God-
I’m-mastering-SOMETHING kisses,
SJ

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Chronic Listaholic?in space!

(Click to enlarge)

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Heinous Haiku, illustrated

September 23, 2006

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The best music list I ever did

April 18, 2006
~ The Soundtrack Of My Life ~
If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack include?
The opening title: Suzie Lightning, Warren Zevon
The waking-up scene: Waking Up Tired, HooDoo Gurus
The average day/menial tasks montage: I Turn My Camera On, Spoon
The secret crush: What Would Happen (If We Kissed), Meredith Brooks
The first date/blind date: Someone Like You, Van Morrison
The party: Suzy Got Her Big Hair On, David Clayton-Thomas
The dance sequence: Velcro Fly, ZZ Top
The falling in love/”spark” scene: The Consequences Of Falling, k.d. lang
The lovemaking scene: Afterglow, INXS
The fight scene: Awake, Godsmack
The break-up: There There, Radiohead
Long night alone: The Drugs Don’t Work, The Verve
The reconciliation: Love Don’t Lie, Def Leppard
The mental breakdown: Meltdown, Ash
The stalking: System, Chester Bennington
The explosion/shoot-out: Bodies, Drowning Pool
The get-away/driving scene: Work, Jimmy Eat World
The learning-a-lesson montage: Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime, Beck
Deep thoughts: Serenity, Godsmack
The flashback: I Remember You, Skid Row
Regrets: It’s Been Awhile, Staind
The death scene: Amazing Grace [sung in Cherokee], Walela
As the closing credits roll: I Can See Clearly Now, Jimmy Cliff

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My favorite blog “decor” EVER

I found the screenshot!!! (click to enlarge)

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The photo that became an urban legend

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Getting Elfed

November 25, 2007
Four of your favorite bloggers as you’ve never seen us!

Click on the picture to watch, and be sure your sound is on.
Well, we used to dance …

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I made up a meme!!!

October 31, 2007
Happy Hallowmeme, everyone! Welcome to my version of Behind The Mask: Who’s That Blogger? Below you will find 10 quotes from some of my favorite bloggers. See if you can identify who said what from the list of names provided (more names than quotes, btw). Feel free to browse their blogs in search of clues.

Choose from these bloggers:
Laughing Muse of Title Deleted For Security Reasons
Kevin of Kapgar
Hilly of Snackie’s Pudge-Free World
Dave2 of Blogography
Catherine of [The Seventh Notebook]
Ajooja of ajooja
Liz of Everyday Goddess
Neil of Citizen of the Month
Sizzle of Sizzle Says
Avitable of Avitable
Diana of Americans in Singapore
Karl of Secondhand Tryptophan
Kim of ilaxSTUDIO

And here are the quotes:

1. Don’t you think we all hit a point in our lives where we have to shed ourselves in some respect to make room for what has been growing inside of us? [Sizzle]

2. I try to avoid using absolutes (only a Sith deals in absolutes), but it applies here. [Kim]

3. Women throw boobies in our faces and, as if by magic, our money disappears. [Dave2]

4. Like a patchwork, lost loves are sewn into our heart no matter what we say or feel. [Hilly]

5. They want me to know that, while I’m “some special kind of fucked up,” I’m not pathologically fucked up. [Karl]

6. I heart the mens, they rule. [Catherine]

7. Sopping wet, we went straight to our favorite watering hole and picked up some chips and salsa, beers, and Lemon Drop shots. [Kevin]

8. You’re not truly ready for a healthy relationship until you are honestly happy without one. [Liz]

9. It’s a whole lot less time-consuming pleasing her orally this way than spending all night with your face between her thighs. [Neil]

10. Losing love hurts as much as a death in the family. As much as I love being in love, I think I’d rather have happiness in other forms than go through that kind of pain. [Ajooja]

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Hot blogger babes!

Good hair, bad hair

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OMG, cutest couple EVER

Karl and my baby girl should totally get married!!!

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The little list that says it all (about me)

July 12, 2006
Ten Things You’ll NEVER Hear Me Say

1. “Hey, guess what? I bought myself a pet cockatoo!!!”
2. “When you go to the store, could you pick me up a package of licorice drops?”
3. “Holy shit, it’s pitch black in here. I think I’ll lay down and take a nap.”
4. “I’m so excited — tonight’s the season premiere of ‘American Idol’!”
5. “I’ve always wanted to ride that roller coaster on top of the Stratosphere.”
6. “I’m thinking about selling my Nikon. I never use it, anyway.”
7. “Honey, let’s go on a harbor cruise for our anniversary dinner.”
8. “We have too many cats.”
9. “Woo hoo! The new Jessica Simpson CD comes out Tuesday!!!”
10. “Are you kidding me? Clive Cussler couldn’t write his way out of an open checkbook!”

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The movie meme that wouldn’t die (because we couldn’t stop playing)

• Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
• Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie (or quote them from memory because you are that badass).
• Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.
• Fill in the film title once it?s been guessed.
• Players, no Googling or using IMDb search functions (don?t cheat!).

By the way, not only are these 15 of my favorite films, these are some of my favorite movie quotes of all time.

1. “My uncle used to say that we like people for their qualities but we love them for their defects.” [Hellboy, guessed by Laughing Muse]
2. “The plan is you drink a nice tall glass of Shut The Fuck Up!” [Dawn Of The Dead, guessed by Curiosity Killer]
3. “Did IQs drop sharply while I was away?” [Aliens, guessed by Laughing Muse]
4.“Believing oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind.” [Star Trek: First Contact, guessed by Steven]
5. “Music’s the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons away.” [Across The Universe, guessed by Kilax]
6. “Goin’ on a year now I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!” [Serenity, guessed by Suze]
7. “Reverse Darwinism — survival of the most idiotic.” [Jurassic Park III; no one guessed this!]
8. “You’re lucky you weren’t alive during the Microsoft conflict. Hell, we were beating each other with our own severed limbs.” [Jason X, guessed by Bec]
9. “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires.” [The Lost Boys, guessed by Hilly]
10. “Can I get any of you cunts a drink?” [Shaun Of The Dead, guessed by Fig]
11. “I knew your sister. She was a homicidal bitch.” [Resident Evil: Extinction, guessed by Juli]
12. “Seriously, when was the last time you ever turned on the radio to listen to popular music? ’70s, ’80s? Michael Jackson was still black? Pearl Jam, maybe?” [Live Free Or Die Hard, guessed by Juli]
13. “Regrets are a waste of time. They’re the past crippling you in the present.” [Under The Tuscan Sun, guessed by Sizzle]
14. “Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room, didn’t ya, you bastard!” [Tremors, guessed by Bec]
15. “I don’t give a shit about sleeping, Leon. I want love, or death. That’s it.” [The Professional (aka Leon), guessed by Bec]

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BFF also means Blog Friends Forever

Embraced by His Daveness

Aiyee, getting seriously nostalgic here. I could go on and on and on, but instead, it’s time to make some NEW memories …