I just want to live while I’m alive
When something becomes detrimental to your physical, mental, emotional and social health, it’s time to eliminate it from your life. So I am getting a divorce — from my computer.
This week my doctor grilled me hardcore about how and why all my healths have deteriorated so severely over the past five years. I’ve gained 60 pounds, my blood pressure has skyrocketed, my muscle tone has disappeared, my fitness level is negative-zero and I’ve had to go on two medications for depression and anxiety. I’ve also developed serious issues with self-esteem and confidence. Ultimately, we reached the conclusion that I spend too much time sitting at my computer and not enough time living my life. The computer and the world it opened to me have become my life, and my life in the “real world” has suffered for it.
I don’t blame the computer. It doesn’t turn itself on. I know my own choices and actions are at fault here. I also know that my choices and actions are the only solution. And it’s not like any of this is a big shock to me. When I took a 30-day hiatus from the blogging world recently, the change in my life was astounding. Like getting a big bucket of cold reality dumped over my head! Until then, I truly hadn’t realized how drastically my life (and myself) had changed. And to be honest, I haven’t been enjoying this blog nearly as much since then. I miss the vitality of my life the way it is when I am not computer-obsessed.
I’m choosing to exit the blogging world, which is where I spend 80% of my computer time. At least this shutdown isn’t impulsive. I made myself wait to be sure, and I set up a few “tests” to confirm to myself that this is what I want to do. And I did my BIg 5 celebration. Now I’m ready to say sayanora to online life in favor of a richer “real” life. The feeling of relief I have is a clear indication that I’ve made the right choice.
Thank you to everyone who has supported my endeavors over the past five years. I wish you all the best.