Loss of the Ring
Last Friday I lost my wedding ring. About 11 a.m. I became aware that it wasn’t on my finger. Assuming I’d simply left it on the sink edge when I’d last washed my hands, I didn’t panic. My office has its own private restroom, so I immediately stepped inside fully expecting to see my ring in the soap tray. It wasn’t there.
It also wasn’t on the shelves, or in the cupboard where I keep my toiletries. It wasn’t on top of the soap dispenser or the paper-towel dispenser or the seat cover dispenser. It wasn’t anywhere on the floor. Getting frantic, I took every single thing out of the trash bin, shaking each paper towel in case my ring was wadded up in one. Nothing.
I moved the search to my office itself, systematically giving each section a thorough search. Drawers were emptied, furniture moved, papers shaken, trash bin examined. No luck. Not in the office kitchen either, despite numerous officemates and me working the premises like a crime scene. That’s when I broke.
Oh, I’d been weepy and sniffling for some time, yet still harboring expectations of locating the missing band. But I’d run out of possibilities, and my heart broke with the acknowledgement that my wedding ring was gone. Alone in my disheveled office, I cried myself sick.
This is not my original wedding ring. My first one is a white gold eternity band with channel-set diamonds. About two years into our marriage, I developed an allergy to all metals except stainless/surgical steel. My finger beneath my wedding band became itchy and red, then puckered up in tiny, painful blisters. I tried only wearing the ring for limited times, but soon discovered even one hour would produce the reaction. For several months, I was forced to go ringless. Then my sister sent me a link to Accessory Row, which carries a selection of stainless steel rings. I hoped that would be safe because I could still wear surgical-steel-wired earrings. We ordered a plain band that exactly matches Bret’s wedding band, and I’ve never had a problem wearing it. Because we’re mushy that way, we even made a private little ceremony out of Bret putting it on my finger and saying vows he’d made up specifically for the occasion. So yes, while not the original wedding ring, the one I lost Friday has actually been on my finger longer — and is deeply precious to me.
I cried off and on throughout Friday, and this was not the first time I’ve been grateful to have such a secluded office location. I pretty much dragged myself through the day, heavy-hearted and angry that I’d been so careless. By the time 4:00 rolled around and I started prepping to leave the office, I was functioning under a black cloud of gloom. Even though I’d continued re-searching all day, I found myself checking again as I shuffled papers and put things away. Nada. I stepped into the bathroom for a quick pre-departure pee, pulled down my panties and … plink! I jumped up to look, and there in the bottom of the toilet bowl was my ring! It had, inexplicably, been in my underwear the whole time. I have no idea how it got there.
After the ring had been rescued, thoroughly washed and was safely back on my finger, I rushed out into the hallway and announced joyfully, “I found my ring!!!” Everyone ran over, exclaiming, “Yay! Where was it?”
“It was in my underwear!”
I guarantee you cannot fully imagine the hysteric hilarity that ensued. Not to mention the jokes.
July 14th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Now that’s keeping your ring close to you in whole new ways. (Avi’s going to wig - ring in a loo? ARRRGGGHHH!!!!)
Bec’s last blog post: Avon Calling.
July 14th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Yay! I’m so glad you found it. But what a place for the ring to hide
suze’s last blog post: what gives a girl power and punch, is it charm, is it poise? no it?s hairspray?
July 14th, 2008 at 10:02 am
You couldn’t make this stuff up could you?!
I’m so glad you found it but you do know you’re going to be hearing that story over and over and over for YEARS!
Penelope’s last blog post: Do I look scary to you?
July 14th, 2008 at 10:18 am
In your underwear? LOL!!! I’m so happy you found it. I would just be sick with worry if I lost mine. It has such sentimental value. One time I lost a charm off of a necklace that Steven gave me, and I think I cried for days.
kilax’s last blog post: Next time I?ll clap for the right team
July 14th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
I just…WHAT?! HOW?!
My mind is boggled by this but my heart is glad you found it. Even if it was in your underwear.
sizzle’s last blog post: If You?re Going To BlogHer. . .
July 14th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Bec: That’s so funny, because that’s EXACTLY what I thought after the fact: What Would Adam Do?
I was too happy to care, and would have stuck my hand in poopy water to get my ring back!
Suze: What’s even weirder? I’m sure I tinkled sometime between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. - why didn’t it fall out then?
Penelope: You are too right. Already this morning, when I asked if anyone had seen the box cutter, someone replied, “Did you look in your underwear?”
Kim: Ack, we females are so sentimental, aren’t we?
Sizzle: The “how” of this one will haunt me till the end of my days, seriously. I mean, it’s not like I have pockets on my panties!
July 14th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I laughed myself into a headache.
Eden’s last blog post: Wedding details later
July 14th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I can think of at least 5 zingers I could use on you if the opportunity ever came up! But, I’m sure your coworkers already said them all.
Too funny.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
That’s just classic. My ring is too big to slip into my panties unnoticed, but I’m constantly retucking my shirt at the office so if I wore a simple band and it was a little loose, I could see it happening.
Winter’s last blog post: More, More, More!
July 14th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Eden: Sorry about the headache! But it was damn funny, even to me.
Mattie: For a conservative bunch, I must say they cetainly let the innuendo fly!
Winter: OMG!!! I wonder if that’s how it happened? The jeans I wore Friday tend to slide down, and I do yank on the waistband with my fingers inside. Maybe the ring (which is a bit loose) got pulled off and slid into my undies. That would also explain it being in the back of them.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
I have one word for you….
stewardesses
Hilly’s last blog post: Snackie?s Confession Booth: Summer of Sinaliciousness!
July 15th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Worried somebody would steal it?? :-)
Dave2’s last blog post: Shipper
July 15th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Hilly:
Dave2: Men carry their family jewels in their underwear. Why not me?
July 15th, 2008 at 9:41 am
I was going to make some stupid joke here, but I just saw your reply to Dave.
Touché.
SO GLAD you found your ring!! : ))
John’s last blog post: I Made My List. I May Check It Twice.
July 20th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I would have totally found it before you. I’m just sayin’.
Karl’s last blog post: Pretend There’s an Entertaining Post Here
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:53 am
John: He walked right into that one.
Karl: With any luck …
July 25th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
This is the greatest story I’ve read all week. And I love that you included “thoroughly washed.” Because I’d have had to ask.
Belinda’s last blog post: On Second Thought, I May Be Raising A Lawyer
July 27th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Belinda: Definitely. Washed three times with antibacterial soap. My hands, too. Because toilet water, eeaauuww.