You say goodbye, I say hello
For the past 30 days I have been participating in a research project. A co-worker’s daughter is working on her Masters thesis, and sought volunteers to help her gather data. Everyone who agreed was asked to refrain from using a specific form of communication for 30 days while keeping notes on the impact on their lifestyle. Originally, she hoped for 10 volunteers for each type of communication ? instant messaging, text-messaging via handheld device, verbal cell phone use, blogging. Work-related use was exempt from the ban, and it was all done on the honor system. We were asked to resist cheating as much as possible, and to thoroughly document all cheats as part of the research.
I was coerced into volunteered to participate as a blogger, or rather blogger in absentia. My first offer, to abstain from cell-phone use, was firmly declined on the grounds that you have to actually be a cell-phone user in order to suffer from said abstention. It seems even my co-workers’ offspring know my feelings about those loathesome invaders of serenity (and yes, they all think I’m quite mad). I was one of only four bloggers who participated. Of the initial seven cell-phone abstainers, three dropped out of the study within the first week. They simply found it impossible to be out of constant contact with the world (for one young woman, the last straw was having her very first panic attack when she had to drive to Santa Barbara sans Razr ? no one to talk to, aagh!). I don’t think Amy succeeded in getting 10 volunteers in any of the four areas, but those of us who agreed gave it our best efforts.
The first week nearly drove me nuts. Not so much the non-blogging (which was actually a relief ? no pressure!), but the non-reading and non-commenting and non-contact with other bloggers. Yeah, I cheated. I read blogs here and there, although I tried really hard to not comment, and I was faithful about documenting each incident. And I worked on weaning myself away. No offense to all the rest of you, but Snackie’s World was toughest for me to give up. That girl is the crack of the blogosphere.
I was shocked by how boring my life seemed without blogs. What had I done in my leisure time before 2003? Watched TV? Read books? Actually left the house? Yikes. This would take some getting used to.
It did indeed. But each day was a bit easier, less boring. I finished a book! And the very next day, my copy of Carly Milne’s Sexography arrived, so I read it, too (but just in case reading a book written by a blogger was a violation, I documented that). The television gods blessed me by launching the new season of my beloved “So You Think You Can Dance?” For the first time, I actually sat on the couch and gave a showing of Transformers my full attention, and was ASTOUNDED at how much I’d been missing in my previous peripheral viewings. I watched, attentively, all four hours of The Andromeda Strain, and although at times it felt like my brain passed out from scientific-jargon overload, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Online, I became more active on some of my photography websites, worked on website designs and, umm, shopped. At work, instead of spending breaks and lunch hours at my computer immersed in the blogiverse, I went for short walks and out to lunch with co-workers. Oh, and one more big difference: I got more sleep. Instead of lurking on Twitter until all hours, I went to bed before midnight. It felt good. It ALL felt good.
And now it’s over. I’ve turned in my notes and, as you can see, resumed blogging. Yet my heart is not fully in it. I’ve been a member of the bloggerati for five years come July 3rd, and I don’t think it’s been good for me. I’ve allowed it, encouraged it, to take control of my life in an unhealthy way. I turned what was originally a pleasant hobby into an obsession that consumed all my waking hours. I’m not exaggerating. When I wasn’t writing a post, I was reading other blogs, or thinking about what I’d write next, or worrying about my perceived lack of popularity. I have the greatest admiration for those of you who can pop out a decent post in 15 minutes; the only times I’ve managed that were when the post was only a few lines long (this one, for example, has taken me four hours to complete). Too much of a perfectionist, I guess, too self-critical. I don’t want to go back to that. I’m enjoying actively LIVING my life again.
So I have a decision to make. I’m not going to rush into it. My inclination at this moment is to just say sayonara and shut Pseudotherapy down, but I’ve been-there-done-that too many times before, and regretted it. I need to see if I can achieve a balance in my life that incorporates blogging without letting it dominate. I might need a schedule or some such thing. And if I am to continue, I’ll also need a serious attitude adjustment, because my worth as a human being is NOT determined by this blog and its readers. Somehow I have to keep reminding myself of that should-be-obvious fact. I have to stop “competing” and remember why I started blogging in the first place ? simply, to write what I feel.
However it ends up, I think this will be a most interesting summer.
June 7th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I wondered where you went.
That’s a really interesting experiment and honestly, something I have been thinking about ad nauseam lately. Am I too into blogging? Does it adversely effect my life? Where is the balance?
I don’t have the answers yet but I am pondering it. I’m interested to see what you come up with!
sizzle’s last blog post: Just Call Me Constance
June 7th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
It seems like you’ve got your priorities in place. Yanno, reading Snackie’s World til the bitter end and all ;).
Seriously though, I have to applaud you for doing this. I am so embroiled in the blogging world that I don’t think I could do it, so my hat (were I to wear one) is actually off to you!
And are you proud of me? I actually didn’t tell a damned soul where you were or about what you were doing! Hey, that was MY abstinence ;).
Hilly’s last blog post: "I Think This Line’s Mostly Filler"…
June 7th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Really really ridiculously happy you are okay.
To see the one next to your blog in Bloglines today sent a shiver of joy through me.
Good to see good things have come from the last 30 days!
Bec’s last blog post: 4 Hours
June 7th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Some warning would have been nice! There was a lot of people worried about you.
So glad to have you back!
Dave2’s last blog post: Rescheduled
June 7th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Welcome back. What you did took a lot. I can see how addictive this can be, even though my goal in blogging to get me to be a better writer (and be published again).
martymankins’s last blog post: I?m A Liberal
June 7th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Following your own advice would be great!
Blog for you. Read blogs for you. Comment for you.
You don’t owe anyone anything (when it comes to the blog world).
June 7th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Gosh! I was just thinking of emailing you last night! I thought something was wrong, because I came here, and saw that funny warning page you had set up.
I think you can find the balance
kilax’s last blog post: Pantalones
June 7th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Sizzle: I hope I’m able to strike a happy medium. I’m never happy when I quit blogging “for good.”
Hilly: I’m not even surprised. You keep secrets better than a nun keeps her virginity. But maybe you *should* have told Dave …
Bec: And I am ridiculously happy to be back!
Dave2: Yeah, that was rude and inconsiderate of me. I was afraid I wouldn’t stick it out, so I didn’t announce. But I should have, and I apologize to all.
Marty: That’s an excellent goal. My NEW goal is to enjoy everything I post, to own my blog again as I originally did.
ajooja: Aiyee, I’ve never been good at following my own advice. I’m much better at telling other people what to do. Just ask Bret!
June 7th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Kim! I’ve missed you and Suze SO much. How are my fairy blogdaughters? Can’t wait to catch up with everyone!
June 7th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Well, my feedreader just went into shock, thanks very much. Seeing a post from SJ? I thought you fell off the earth. No way I could give up blogging. A month, sure. But more than that? No way.
Karl’s last blog post: Bob Villa I?m Not
June 7th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I enjoy having a part of my life be blogging because of the personal relationships I’ve developed, and I can’t find anything unhealthy with that aspect. If you don’t like blogging anymore, though, you definitely shouldn’t do it.
Avitable’s last blog post: Saturday is for stealing from Britt
June 7th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
I took a week off from blogging a bit back. It helped put things into perspective for me. I realized that there were so many other things that I love to do that had been put on the back burner. In the end, I realized that I couldn’t give up blogging completely but I needed to find some sense of balance.
Dagny’s last blog post: Things to try
June 7th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Karl: Nope, I didn’t fall off the earth. Just flying under the radar for a bit.
Avitable: It’s certainly not the personal relationships that became unhealthy for me. It was that I allowed the blogworld to crowd all other interests out of my life. And believe me, if my anti-blogging feelings ever become permanent, I’ll definitely stop.
Dagny: That is it EXACTLY. I have to create a better balance in my life.
June 7th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I was among the massively worried, scrambling to find an email for you. Very glad to know you’re okay!
Catherine’s last blog post: Tore up from the floor up
June 8th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Yay! You’re back. And yay! You’re okay. I was worried. Especially when my email went unreturned…
suze’s last blog post: pieces of me?
June 8th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
I think ANYTHING can be unhealthy when taken to extremes.
Of course, the flip side of that is that it seems like anyone who is truly successful at anything (and I’m not even talking blogging here) is CONSUMED by that one thing.
Hm.
Miss Britt’s last blog post: Sundays are for Legalized Prostitution
June 8th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Catherine: Dang! I keep forgetting to include contact info in my sidebar. Sorry about that.
Suze: I’m back, I’m okay, I’m still a flake. :nuts:
Britt: Yup, even water can kill you in excessive amounts. As for being successful, I’m in no danger of that since I’m notorious for getting burned out on things before I ever reach the “successful” level. It’s my version of ADD.
June 9th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Yay you’re back!!
Finding a happy medium - that’s got to be the 10 million dollar question huh? I hope this helped.
(I am one of those people who churns out a post in 15 minutes - the difference is that mine are usually crap!) ;o)
Penelope’s last blog post: Who’s a Smart Arse?
June 12th, 2008 at 4:55 am
You do what you gotta do for yourself. I support you no matter what decision you make.
Just make sure to let us know one way or the other. ‘tay?
June 17th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
hooray! you’re back! now stay. xoxo
June 19th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Penelope: Yes, and I’m finding it difficult to maintain any kind of schedule, too.
Kevin: Otay, Buckwheat!
Juli: What am I, a dog?