My body gets hate mail
I’ve seen several of these here and there around the blogiverse, but wasn’t inspired to write one myself until I read Miss Britt’s. My version didn’t come out the way I’d expected, but at least it’s honest.
* * * * *
Dear Body,
I wish I didn’t hate you.
I wish I could give you the unconditional love I so easily lavish on my family and friends. But we both know I’ve disliked you for years and years. Pretty much from the beginning, truth be told. I’ve always resented how weak you are, how you kept trying to kill us when I was too small to fight back. I guess I was stronger than I thought, because we survived every attack ? even when you ambushed me on a transatlantic flight and they had to land the plane in a foreign country to save us. And for the record, I’m sorry I tried to kill you when we were 17. Thanks for not giving in.
I think the problem with us is we’re simply incompatible. We don’t fulfill each other’s needs. You need someone who’s strong and determined and likes to be active, to balance your natural tendencies toward obesity. That’s definitely not me. On the other hand, I want a body that functions flawlessly, remaining fit and healthy with no effort on my part. Oh, I know you always argue that that’s an impossible dream. But the thing is, I know people like that ? people whose bodies do exactly that. They never have to exercise or think about what they’re eating, yet they look and feel awesome. I don’t mean to hurt you, Body, but that’s what I want. I don’t like having to constantly do things I dislike just because of you. Frankly, I don’t think it’s fair.
Speaking of fair, what the hell did you have against having a baby? You knew how badly I’d wanted a big family, and how long I had to wait to have a child. Couldn’t you have cooperated a bit? Did you have to make every single minute of our pregnancy absolute misery? Honestly, you reacted like you were allergic to motherhood or something, keeping us physically ill the entire time. If it hadn’t been for the Bendectin, we literally could not have gotten out of bed every day. Not to mention your attempts to keep her from coming into the world. You must have been thrilled when the doctor told us “No more.” Yeah, thanks for that.
I admit, our problems aren’t all your fault. I know I am much too cerebral. I’m aware that I neglect you and ignore your needs. I do try sometimes, but what you need for optimum health is so contrary to my preferences that I can never stick with the program very long. Every 30-minute walk is a half-hour I could be online looking at porn. And I still don’t understand why you can’t process certain foods without extracting the calories from them. I mean, how hard would it be to just let the chocolate slide through without absorption? You do it with corn all the time.
Body, we have got to find some way to live together. With any luck, we’ve got 40 or 50 more years ahead of us, and this constant sabotage of each other has got to stop. We’re both going to have to be more flexible (heh). I’ve been reading up on yoga, and I’m thinking it might be a good place for us to start. I think we need to first achieve inner peace and harmony before we tackle the physical changes. I think … what? What do you mean that’s my problem, thinking too much?!?! Funny, you never complain when I’m thinking about sex! … Ahem, as I was saying, I think we need to achieve inner balance. Body and Mind, living together in perfect harmony. You know, like Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney. So start psyching yourself up, Body, because I’m ordering Yoga For Beginners tonight.
Zen-like hugs and chocolate kisses,
Mind
[tags]Yoga, Zen, balance, chocolate, I hate myself for hating you[/tags]
February 27th, 2008 at 12:59 am
I was blog-surfing through your list of favorites when this post popped in. I know you set it to post ahead of time ’cause it’s ten til one in the morning and there’s no way you’re awake right now. So I get to be your first commentor.
I’ve always wished we could both (although I think I may be a tiny tad more self-accepting than you) find a way to love ourselves with the same open-hearted, unwavering, unconditional enthusiasm we offer to our families and friends. If YOU could love you as much as I love you and vice-versa, it would be a wonderful feeling. In the meantime, any time you need an affirmation of your lovableness, I’m here, Sweet Friend.
February 27th, 2008 at 3:43 am
Nicely written!
I did one of my own today as well.
Avitable’s last blog post..A Letter To My Body
February 27th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Big Hugs SJ. I love you. Yoga has been one of the keys to finding balance in my life, I hope it has a similar effect for you. Anytime you want to chat, drop me an email. I’m here for you
suze’s last blog post..is 8:30 am too early for chicken noodle soup?
February 27th, 2008 at 4:35 am
I love that you are declaring a truce with your body. Acknowledging the war. I know the feeling. Emergency landing eh? Wow.
(As an aside A.M. Yoga with Rodney “easy on the eyes” Yee is one of my favourites. And it’s nice and short too.)
Nat’s last blog post..La complainte du Phoque en Alaska*
February 27th, 2008 at 4:59 am
I much prefer your take without the photo. Done this way, I might actually participate. But if I had to take a naked photo of myself… I’m out.
I like the comment about how the sabotage must end. Nice peace accord.
kapgar’s last blog post..Don’t let the sun go down on me…
February 27th, 2008 at 6:24 am
Sheryl: Yep, I needed to give myself time to decide whether I really wanted to post this or not. And indeed, if only we could …
Avitable: God, I wish I had your confidence. Not your body hair, though.
Suze: Thanks, hon. You’re such an inspiration to me!
Nat: I’ll check into that! Yeah, they diverted the plane to Shannon, Ireland. I wasn’t breathing when it landed.
Kevin: I promise you, you will never see a naked photo of me on this blog. You’re welcome.
February 27th, 2008 at 6:43 am
I too am glad that there is no naked photo, not because I am unwilling to look at a naked photo of you but just like Kevin, don’t want to post my naked ass either.
I love your honesty in this letter and wish you could have more of a love affair with your body, but I completely get it.
Hilly’s last blog post..Today I Rest On My Laurels While Eating Pink Cupcakes…
February 27th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Hilly: I’d intended it to be more humorous, but just couldn’t make that happen. Despising my physical self has been a lifelong struggle for me, and it’s rare that I do manage to laugh about it. Thanks for getting me, as always.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:38 am
That’s so cool. I should do this too.
~big hugs~
ajooja’s last blog post..I Fucking Hate Raggedy Andy
February 27th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
LOL, I’m glad people would do it without the photo! The conversation with yourself is the important part anyway.
This was so honest, and awesome. I’ve read a few of these where they were all “OK, I’m sorry, I love you” when you could tell that wasn’t the case. You could tell there was still a struggle there.
It takes a lot of courage to be honest like that.
And I’ll add my agreement that I think Yoga is an awesome start!
Miss Britt’s last blog post..What Would Dorothy Do
February 27th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
“Every 30-minute walk is a half-hour I could be online looking at porn.”
Best quote ever…!
(I’m re-starting bellydance classes, partially so I’ll be performance-ready for DragonCon this Labor Day weekend, but partially because - hey, exercise.)
Laughing Muse’s last blog post..Song to the Siren
February 27th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
ajooja: Yes, you should! I’d love to read it. And the hugs are appreciated.
Miss Britt: Hon, if I looked like you, I’d be plastering naked pics all over my blog! I’d be the NakedJen of San Diego. Yeah, this was tough to make public. That’s why I had to wait a few days before I published - just in case I regretted it. But it’s been quite cathartic already.
I’m excited to start the yoga!
Muse: WOW! You’re the second friend who’s recently begun belly-dancing classes. Sadly, my belly dances with every step I take.
February 27th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I really want to do one of these. I appreciate your honesty in this. I can relate.
February 28th, 2008 at 5:40 am
Everybody would like that. But we all know that it’s PLENTY hard even when you DO all the right things. Good for you for starting yoga! You’ve seen the stories, …”when I started, I couldn’t even run to end of the driveway and back…I’m doing my third marathon on Saturday!” Whatever form positive change takes, be it yoga, running, gym, martial arts, whatever, just a little bit of success goes a long way toward changing your mind and heart to be willing to work for more. Action PRECEDES motivation. Action CREATES motivation. Good for you SJ! And remember, the only person you have to be successful for is YOU! My heart is with you. : )
John’s last blog post..And The Winners Are…
February 29th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Sizzle: Thank you. I hope you do one as well; I’d love to read it.
John: I am COUNTING on the motivation kicking in after a week or so. It’s worked that way for me in the past. And I’ve always been intrigued by yoga. I hereby appoint you my personal cheering section!
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:28 am
I love the idea of this post and how good of a job you did at making it deeply personal. :o) Sounds like the kind of frank face-to-face talk that eventually occurs in any long-term relationship when the course needs to be corrected — and when the relationship is too valuable to be just junked.
In fact, I think I’ll steal … er … borrow this idea for a blog post of my own within the next day or two. :o)
Carolyn B.’s last blog post..Boy, Is This Quiz Way Off
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Okay, I’m back now. Wow, it was cathartic to write my version of your body letter! It started off sounding weirdly like a break-up letter and evolved into a “Let’s make peace” statement. I sorta feel like hugging myself. ;o)
Carolyn B.’s last blog post..Open Letter to My Body: Let’s Stay in Touch This Time, Shall We?
March 30th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Stress Relief Yoga, it’s simple poses, seventeen minutes long, eases back pain, no extra chatting.
Polly’s last blog post..Skimming the Surface