Rebelling against anonymity
This may come as a surprise to you, but this isn’t my first blog. Heh, I’m kidding. Most of you know this is my latest in a string of blogs over the past five-or-so years. Hell, even I can’t remember the names of all the abandoned. In blogging, as in off-screen life, I tend to run and hide when trouble rears its head. I don’t like confrontation, mainly because of my tendency to blurt things out without considering the consequences. Yeah, venting. Which should be okay on your own blog, right?
Umm, not so much. Even when you don’t use names, family members recognize themselves and throw a hissy at your audacity in “humiliating [them] in public.” Because you know, two-thirds of the known universe reads my little blog ? including ALL of said family member’s friends and co-workers. [BTW, that was not a reference to last week's vanished post.]
When I first launched Pseudotherapy, I planned to keep it anonymous. I used the pseudonym Fruitcake and had fake names for Bret (Nutcake) and Juli (Cupcake). Because I sent invites to all my blogfriends, most of my readers knew it was me, but they played along. However, I shortly found that to be too restrictive because I couldn’t use any of my own photographs on Pseudotherapy (meaning photos I’d taken, not photos of me). When Hilly and I met for the first time, the photos we took that day became my unveiling. You can’t very well remain anonymous while publishing pics of yourself with a woman whose blog really is read by two-thirds of the known universe! So that was the end of the Cake family.
Still, I’ve managed to keep most of mia familia from discovering my little blog. It helps that most of my kinfolk have only the most basic of internet interest, and don’t go looking for reasons to prolong their surfing. Juli is, of course, a regular reader with my blessing. Bret finds reading to be torturous, so I read it to him when so inclined. Bret’s brother Randy drops by now and then, but is kept pretty busy by his own music blog. My side of the family, I believe, remains unaware of Pseudotherapy’s existence.
So imagine my surprise upon learning that a family member with no previously-indicated interest has begun reading. Imagine my initial dismay. Crap! Does this mean I’m supposed to start watching every little thing I say again? Does this mean I have to freak the hell out every time I write impulsively and publish without thinking? Oh wait, I already do that. Okay, never mind that one. But seriously, is this a red flag, a giant flashing CAUTION sign?
I refuse. I’m taking a stand here. Enough! This is the most honest, most ME blog of them all, and I’m not giving it up. I have walked into the light, and refuse to retreat again to the shadows. Regardless of who happens to find their way here, I’m not going to edit my content down to verbal pablum. I will continue to not use names or other identifiable info. But I WILL speak my mind, and write from my heart.
So, dear family member, you are welcome to read my blog. But understand that it is MY blog. If you read anything here that upsets you, just click the red X in the upper right corner of your screen and walk away. Life doesn’t come with a Close box, but blogs do.
February 12th, 2008 at 9:41 am
love that last line. so true! embrace yourself and your blog. that’s what i am trying to do.
February 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am
The greater majority of my “audience” is people I know and love in real life– my husband, daughter, her sorority sisters (my other “daughters”) from her college days, friends and neighbors from work and my community.
A small minority are the anonynmous “others” I’ve never met.
There are definitely times I wish I could write about the deeply personal stuff I only whisper in my heart, but that will never happen here.
And that’s okay.
Really.
Most of the time.
Aunt Robin’s last blog post..Difficult Logistics
February 12th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
You and several others know my real name, but I’ve never done that kind of blog before. It would open up a whole new can of worms for me because I used to be in the public eye.
The people who really know you aren’t the problem, it’s the people who think they know you.
If you don’t have a problem with those kind of people, I wouldn’t worry about it.
ajooja’s last blog post..Feels Like a Monday
February 12th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I’ve never been one for anonymity. Any family member who Googles my name will find me instantly. And if they get viciously ill looking at pictures of my testicles? It’s their fault.
Avitable’s last blog post..An Open Letter
February 12th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Sizzle: There are certain subjects that will never be spoken of here, such as my former career in adult films
but if *I’m* comfortable discussing something, I don’t want to be worrying about what other people may read into it. But it’s hard not to when you know they’re reading!
Robin: Yikes! If I had a readership like that, I’d probably be offending someone every freakin day.
ajooja: It’s the people who think they know what I’m thinking and feeling that frustrate me the most. I hate it when people want to assign hidden agendas to simple statements.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Avitable: Whew! Thank God I missed that post!
February 12th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I still miss Chronic Listaholic. Would it kill you to toss us a list every now and then?
February 12th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
It’s all about perspective, Sweetie. You can read something written by a stranger or an aquaintence and think “wow, that jerk’s so wrong” yet not feel compelled to disagree or even comment. The same opinion offerred by a close friend or relative can be fightin’ words, ya’ll. The key is to keep your mind open while not letting your brain fall out. Oh, and to trust that the differences are just as special as the similarities in the people you love.
Damn! Is there any way to get rid of my tired old avitar?
February 12th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I recently gave up the anonymous thing myself. It was mostly because when i came back to posting I couldn’t even remember the nicknames I gave everyone. It’s very freeing. And if there are people out there who can’t handle it, well, I can’t say it any better than you did.
FrancesDanger’s last blog post..And we lived our lives in black?
February 12th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
My latest blog is a little more anonymous than the last one but not by much. And, well, I have mentionitis where it is concerned so most people who know me know of it’s existence… just attention seeking on my half really.
And you just keep doing what you have been doing a blogger’s blog is his or her castle… no… wait… that’s wrong… or is it?
Bec’s last blog post..Run Children Run!
February 12th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
As much as I’d like to say “YEAH! SPEAK YO MIND, GIRL!” I realize that even I tend to tone it down a bit knowing that my parents read occasionally as do some good friends and even my grandmother on occasion.
Dammit, I need to go anonymous!
kapgar’s last blog post..Lovin’, touchin’, squeezin’…
February 12th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I’ll tell you a little known secret….Shawn hates my blog. Hates it and the concept of blogging in general. However since it is MY hobby, I say what I have to say because I need the freedom of my own domain…to blog to only half of the known blog universe…not two thirds ;).
Hilly’s last blog post..What The World Needs Now Is Love…Sweet Love.
February 12th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I tone down too, like Kevin. But I think you should stick with it here!
Besides wishing life had a close box, I wish it had an “edit>undo” too.
kilax’s last blog post..W?sthof
February 12th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Dave2: Oh all right, you big whiny baby! I’ll try to come up with one soon.
Sheryl: I totally see what you’re saying. As for the avatar, you need to go to Gravatar and delete it. Otherwise, it’ll keep pulling in.
Frances: I found it nerve-wracking and exhausting trying to maintain the anonymity, even for such a short time.
Bec: My blog is definitely my castle! Or at least my domain.
Kevin: Your GRANDMOTHER?!?! Wow, that’s some serious familial support! Does she ever whack you upside the haid for something you’ve written?
Hilly: Oh, sorry. I was confusing you with Dave2. I read your comment to Bret, and he says he felt that way at first about my blogging. Now he’s used to it. And after my “5-lb. ball” remark at DaveLA, he’s immune to public embarrassment!
Kim: I do try to exercise discretion about what’s discussed here. And I don’t name names. But I still have to be the one making the call. This is not a majority-rule blog.
Oh, how I’d love an Undo key for life!
February 13th, 2008 at 4:05 am
Not yet. Or, at least, not that she’s admitted to. I’m going down there in March, so we’ll see.
kapgar’s last blog post..Lovin’, touchin’, squeezin’…
February 13th, 2008 at 10:06 am
I stay anonymous because I don’t care for potential clients or employers to be able to identify me and get all into my personal life (and make those assumptions of yeah, I know you… If I’m going to be judged in absentia, I want to be limoed to awards ceremonies. Otherwise, the privacy filter stays in place.) Family members…well, I’m not incredibly close to them, so while I wouldn’t necessarily care if -=they=- knew where my blog was, I don’t advertise it to any of them, I don’t mention them much on the blog, and I don’t refer to them by name (because I have one relative who is very protective of their privacy).
That, and the dataminers get enough on us (the population in general) as it is.
Laughing Muse’s last blog post..???? Happy 4706!
February 13th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I try to be as much myself as I can be on my blog. Which means I’m mostly me, but not completely. I don’t share the intimate details of my relationships, mainly because they’re not fully mine to share. Although, if there’s a big thing going on in my life that I don’t feel I can blog about, people can figure it out because I back away from the blog, posting only memes or not posting at all. And then posting cryptic stuff when I do…
I think, like most public things in our life - friendships, work, etc - we give and show a part of ourselves to the blog, but it’s not the full picture. And if people don’t like what they see here because it’s offering a different view of the whole you than the one they get in real life, they can close the browser just like you said. Or just not read. (I think that’s what my parents have chosen to do.) Or embrace it as an opportunity to get to know you better. But you just continue to be who you’re comfortable being on this blog. I think she’s awesome
suze’s last blog post..like a radio station when you drive out of range?
February 13th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Yeah, I was anonymous for a long, long time. At least as far as my family was concerned. Now it’s ready by everyone in the family, I think. Brother, niece, father, mother…it’s weird. I tell myself that I’m not going to change what I write, but I don’t know if that’s completely possible.
Karl’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Bro
February 13th, 2008 at 11:45 am
That’s good, because I saw them on “Gangland” the other night and they look like some pretty tough customers. ? Just discovered your blog too SJ, love your stuff. : )
John’s last blog post..February 14th
February 13th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Muse: Almost ALL of my family members are very protective of their privacy, pretty much to the point of paranoia.
Suze: Very well put. And thanks, hon - I think you’re awesome, too!
Karl: I know exactly what you mean. It’s difficult to not self-edit as you write when you know relatives are going to be reading.
John: No, no, that was Mia Famiglia! Thanks for reading; your blog’s pretty damn funny!
February 13th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
just stopping by reading random blogs. it seems like if you put it out for the whole world to read, that some family members might stop by. so, why would you feel like they are invading your little world? if you post it you know they can read it. so, what if they read it??? why would you care if you don’t have anything to hide? sounds a bit like you are the one that has a little paranoia
February 14th, 2008 at 5:58 am
Frank’s News: Thank you for sharing an opposing viewpoint. Of course I have things to hide! Everyone does. I do feel you’re missing my point, which is that when one has an anonymous blog, one is able to write as freely as they wish without worrying about hurting someone’s feelings. I learned the hard way when I vented about a Vegas vacay-gone-bad with my family that you don’t have that freedom when you blog under your real identity. A certain amount of discretion must be exercised. Any blogger will vouch for how stifling that restriction on self-expression can become.
You bet I am paranoid! But that doesn’t mean they aren’t really out to get me.
February 14th, 2008 at 7:46 am
A lot of people from my ‘real life’ know about my blog. Hell, my mom comments daily. Some of them read I think - and I’m not super comfortable with it.
I try to remember all of the people who know me, know about my blog, and DON’T read very often. Most people who aren’t bloggers have about a 2 second attention span when it comes to blogs.
At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Remember When